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You have enough money to purchase either a house or a business. Whichwould you choose to buy? Give specific reasons to explain your choice. v.1

You have enough money to purchase either a house or a business. Whichwould you choose to buy? Give specific reasons to explain your choice. v. 1
In this modern era, technology has a great impact on peoples' lives. Some people thing that the internet has disappear the barrier of distances between people to communicate globally. Whereas others believe that it restrict the individuals to socialize. This essay discusses both the view and my position on the above notion. To begin with, positive side of the internet is it allows people to be in contact with their near and dear one without any restriction of distance and culture. For instance, a person is living abroad for the educational purpose could contact his family and native friends and it helps him to eliminate the home sickness. Secondly, people can learn about many languages, culture and traditions with the help of internet. Thus the whole world turns into a global village due to application of the internet. Hence, the internet is a boon to individual to communicate, to learn from any corner of the world. On the other hand, extensive use of the internet lets the people aware about all information of glob, but they do not get involved in the local community which is essential to get good physical and mental health. As a result, people get isolated from their group and it leads to depression and loneliness. The student of psychology had surveyed that the internet is the most saviour cause for loneliness of a person. Moreover, communicating with the internet may introduce fake people to the commuter and they may get exploited by such wrong persons. Thus, the internet is very potential danger for the society where the members of the society might not come together as it did in the past. In conclusion, the internet is a boon to the mankind, but people use it wisely for the betterment of the society. The government should also start a campaign to spread awareness to citizen and this will bring prosperity to their lives.
In this modern era, technology has a great impact on peoples'
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
thing that the internet has
Use past participle here: "disappeared".
disappear
the barrier of distances between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to communicate globally.
“Whereas” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whereas
others believe that it restrict the individuals to socialize. This essay discusses both the view and my position on the above notion.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
side of the internet is it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to be in contact with their near and dear one without any restriction of distance and culture.
For instance
, a person is living abroad for the educational purpose could contact his family and native friends and it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
him to eliminate the home sickness.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can learn about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
languages, culture and traditions with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of internet.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
the whole world turns into a global village due to application of the internet.
Hence
, the internet is a boon to individual to communicate, to learn from any corner of the world.

On the other hand
, extensive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of the internet
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lets
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
aware about all information of glob,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
involved in the local community which is essential to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
physical and mental health.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
isolated from their group and it leads to depression and loneliness. The student of psychology had surveyed that the internet is the most
Possible spelling mistake found.
saviour
cause for loneliness of a person.
Moreover
, communicating with the internet may introduce fake
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
commuter and
they may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
exploited by such
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
persons.
Thus
, the internet is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
potential
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
for the society where the members of the society might not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
together as it did in the past.

In conclusion
, the internet is a boon to the mankind,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it
wisely
for the betterment of the society. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
a campaign to spread awareness to citizen and this will bring prosperity to their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay You have enough money to purchase either a house or a business. Whichwould you choose to buy? Give specific reasons to explain your choice. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
317 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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