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In today's world, it is more important to work quickly and risk making mistakes than to work slowly and make sure that everything is correct. v.2

In today's world, it is more important to work quickly and risk making mistakes than to work slowly and make sure that everything is correct. v. 2
Recently, the media have concentrated more on well-known people who live normal lives. There are some reasons to explain why people have interests in their daily lives, and I believe that this phenomenon is more to be positive. There are several compelling causes of the trend of having curiosity in the private lives of public figures. Firstly, a great deal of people, especially teenagers who desire to learn and imitate how their idols utilize their valuable time is the motivation to encourage the media to follow on celebrities. In fact, a large number of people want to be similar to famous people because of their wealth, happiness, and so on, and most of them believe that by paying attention to their model’s daily life to imitate, they will have more motivation to continue their work. As a result, the media will possibly have the encouragement to follow famous people’s life. From my perspective, this trend has positive impacts. One of these effects is that ordinary people can potentially learn various valuable lessons from successful people. For example, when the media give concentration to a public figure, the audiences can know how they manage their time and how they improve their productivity to succeed, so that is a big chance for people to learn life skills. Another positive factor is that famous people will have more chances to promote their figures. Nowadays, with the advent of the media, people now have more possibility to access the media, so that when newspapers, TV channels, and so on, keep updated with the daily lives of famous figures, more people might know them. To sum up, there are reasons to explain the trend of having curiosity in public figures, and this thing is beneficial to society.
Recently, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
have concentrated more on well-known
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
normal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have interests in their daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
, and I believe that this phenomenon is more to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
.

There are several compelling causes of the trend of having curiosity in the private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
of public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figures
.
Firstly
, a great deal of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
especially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
who desire to learn and imitate how their idols utilize their valuable time is the motivation to encourage the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
to
'follow on' seems to be a compound adjective in front of a noun. Use a hyphen: "follow-on".
follow on
celebrities. In fact,
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
want to be similar to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their wealth, happiness, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on, and most of them believe that by paying attention to their model’s daily life to imitate, they will have more motivation to continue their work.
As a result
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
will
possibly
have the encouragement to follow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
life.

From my perspective, this trend has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impacts. One of these effects is that ordinary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
potentially
learn various valuable lessons from successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
For example
, when the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
give concentration to a public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figure
, the audiences can know how they manage their time and how they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their productivity to succeed,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that is
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
chance for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to learn life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. Another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
factor is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will have more chances to promote their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figures
. Nowadays, with the advent of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
have more possibility to access the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that when newspapers, TV channels, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
updated with the daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figures
, more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
might know them.

To sum up, there are reasons to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
the trend of having curiosity in public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figures
, and this thing is beneficial to society.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay In today's world, it is more important to work quickly and risk making mistakes than to work slowly and make sure that everything is correct. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
292 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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