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You work for a company and you need to take some time off work. you want to ask your manager about it. in your letter writeExplain why you want to work to take time off. give details of the amount of time you need. suggest how your work could be covered while v.1

You work for a company and you need to take some time off work. you want to ask your manager about it. in your letter writeExplain why you want to work to take time off. give details of the amount of time you need. suggest how your work could be covered while v. 1
It is argued by many sales companies that money is a strong motivation for their employees' hardworking. Although, a good salary is the first priority for many job applicants, in my opinion, there are many other factors which can affect worker to deliver their best capability. This essay will discuss both parts of this topic. First of all, it should be said that financial satisfaction, as a fundamental purpose of working, is a major inspiration to be a qualified worker. Most of the people around the world, especially which they have not a good economic situation, are working to earn money for paying their basic requirements. As a result, the first essential factor of high functionality is proper salary earning. In the second place, overall job satisfaction is related to the psychological fulfilment of employees and most of the time is related to immaterial subjects, while many people leave their job, not because of low wages, but in an uncomfortable working condition. For example, a respectful work environment can lead to the companies' staff loyalty and increase their commitment. On the other hand, outside of money, an organization or firm should consider some other essential elements in hiring motivated salesperson. One of these significant qualities is their personality and character which should be coordinated with the companies' culture. For instance, a strong sense of responsibility and commitment towards the companies' goal, can determine the ability to establish skilled interpersonal communication with customers and meeting their expectations by positive curiosity. It is worth noticing that having an acceptable behaviour, not only leads to delivering empathy, but also present a positive outlook for the whole collection and increase its profitability in general. In conclusion, although the good salary is a determinative factor in driving salesperson presents an efficient work output, other elements such as social skills and personal behaviour should be considered in order to guarantee their motivations.
It
is argued
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
sales
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
that money is a strong motivation for their employees' hardworking. Although, a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
salary is the
first
priority for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
job applicants, in my opinion, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
factors which can affect worker to deliver their best capability. This essay will discuss both parts of this topic.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, it should
be said
that financial satisfaction, as a fundamental purpose of working, is a major inspiration to be a qualified worker. Most of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
around the world,
especially
which they have not a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
economic situation, are working to earn money for paying their basic requirements.
As a result
, the
first
essential factor of high functionality is proper salary earning. In the second place,
overall
job satisfaction
is related
to the psychological
Possible spelling mistake. 'fulfilment' is British English.
fulfilment
of employees and most of the time
is related
to immaterial subjects, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their job, not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of low wages,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in an uncomfortable working condition.
For example
, a respectful work environment can lead to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
' staff loyalty and increase their commitment.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, outside of money, an organization or firm should consider
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
essential elements in hiring motivated salesperson. One of these significant qualities is their personality and character which should
be coordinated
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
' culture.
For instance
, a strong sense of responsibility and commitment towards the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
' goal, can determine the ability to establish skilled interpersonal communication with customers and meeting their expectations by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
curiosity. It is worth noticing that having an acceptable
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
leads to delivering empathy,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
present a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
outlook for the whole collection and increase its profitability
in general
.

In conclusion
, although the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
salary is a
Possible spelling mistake found.
determinative
factor in driving salesperson presents an efficient work output,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
elements such as social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and personal
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
should
be considered
in order to guarantee their motivations.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Learn everything you can, anytime you can, from anyone you can; there will always come a time when you will be grateful you did.
Sarah Caldwell

IELTS essay You work for a company and you need to take some time off work. you want to ask your manager about it. in your letter writeExplain why you want to work to take time off. give details of the amount of time you need. suggest how your work could be covered while v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
316 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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