Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

You are planning to visit a foreign country. Write a letter to your friends and say: -Where and when do you plan to go? -What are the details of your plan? -Why do you want them to go with you? v.1

You are planning to visit a foreign country. Write a letter to your friends and say: -Where and when do you plan to go? -What are the details of your plan? -Why do you want them to go with you? v. 1
Nowadays, there are a lot of students who have a part-time job while they are at school. This extra burden may deprive them of study time and subject them to constant mental stress. The rest of this essay will examine the underlying causes of this situation and offers some ideas as to how to solve this problem. Apparently, students like everyone else, have to pay for a lot of daily expenses for themselves. Tuition fee easily accounts for a majority of their budget. While many colleges and universities their tuition fees very high, some parents cannot fully afford the higher education for their children. Consequently, these students have to work to help pay for their university and college fees. The other reason is living expenses. Many students study away from their hometowns, and have to pay for accommodation, food, entertainment etc. As a result, some students are forced to earn money to afford their living. I think that the problem of students working during their study results in lower quality of education and has no benefits at all. Thus, it should be solved on the governmental level. I can suggest two possible solutions to this issue. Firstly, the government could make higher education free. For instance, this result can be achieved by financing educational establishments from the country’s budget. Not only will it make universities and colleges accessible for everyone, but it will also reduce the number of working students. The second solution is promoting inexpensive e-learning. Such form of online education doesn’t require a lot of resources to be maintained. What’s more, students don’t have to leave their homes and can significantly reduce their monthly expenses to a point that they do not need to work a part-time job, affording them their full attention to their education. In conclusion, I believe that mainly lack of financial resources is the main reason for students having to work, but this problem can be solved by lowering the amount of financial expenses students have to meet.
Nowadays, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who have a part-time job while they are at school. This extra burden may deprive them of study time and subject them to constant mental
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
. The rest of this essay will examine the underlying causes of this situation and offers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
as to how to solve this problem.

Apparently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
like everyone else,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pay for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
daily expenses for themselves. Tuition fee
easily
accounts for a majority of their budget. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
colleges and universities their tuition fees
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
high,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
parents cannot
fully
afford the higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
for their children.
Consequently
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
work to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
pay for their university and college fees. The other reason is living expenses.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
study away from their hometowns, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pay for accommodation, food, entertainment etc.
As a result
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are forced
to earn money to afford their living. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the problem of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
working during their study results in lower quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and has no benefits at all.
Thus
, it should
be solved
on the governmental level.

I can suggest two possible solutions to this issue.
Firstly
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
free.
For instance
, this result can
be achieved
by financing educational establishments from the country’s budget. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
will it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
universities and colleges accessible for everyone,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it will
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the number of working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. The second solution is promoting inexpensive e-learning. Such form of online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
doesn’t require
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
resources to
be maintained
. What’s more,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
don’t
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their homes and can
significantly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
their monthly expenses to a point that they do not need to work a part-time job, affording them their full attention to their education.

In conclusion
, I believe that
mainly
lack of financial resources is the main reason for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
having to work,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this problem can
be solved
by lowering the amount of financial expenses
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Knowledge of languages is the doorway to wisdom.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay You are planning to visit a foreign country. Write a letter to your friends and say: -Where and when do you plan to go? -What are the details of your plan? -Why do you want them to go with you? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
334 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts