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You are going on a short training course at a collage in Green mount, Northern Ireland. You need somewhere to live while you are there. Write a letter to the accommodation officer at the college. In your letter, explain your situationdescribe the accommodat v.1

You are going on a short training course at a collage in Green mount, Northern Ireland. You need somewhere to live while you are there. Write a letter to the accommodation officer at the college. In your letter, explain your situationdescribe the accommodat v. 1
In the modern world, academic education is essential for every individual to achieve life goals and dreams. However, enrolled in the university for poor people is no longer an easy task due to extreme competition among modern learners. But I believe money can buy an education, so I will not fully agree with this statement. Firstly, many universities around the world that provide quality tuition nowadays. Therefore, numerous students travel to complete their studies by finding their desired campus. In other word, student those who have money able to do their studies without hesitation while the poor struggle with their financial issues. Lack of resources is another issue some of the individuals who suffer from a difficult lifestyle. For example, a typical student's needs are higher than ordinary people who need equipment like study materials, laptops, books, food, and accommodation. Secondly, In the modern world, there are many private universities, which provide private education. Even the teenager who not at university-level, with money they can conduct their studies enrolling with the campus. But some poor students unable to complete their college education properly as a result of that they miss university education. For example, without a quality lifestyle, some children will not able to complete their primary education even they are extremely intelligent. And those who have to join the workforce early due to family issues, consequently, they miss their education. Finally, I argue that with grate financial background opens a party to university even any condition. But students who suffering from poorly hard to access any kind of campus due to the numerous problems. However, it is known many leaders and famous characters have come form low-level background.
In the modern world, academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is essential for every individual to achieve life goals and dreams.
However
, enrolled in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
for poor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
no longer an easy task due to extreme competition among modern learners.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
I believe money can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
I will not
fully
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement.

Firstly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
around the world that provide quality tuition nowadays.
Therefore
, numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
travel to complete their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
by finding their desired campus. In other word,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have money able to do their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
without hesitation while the poor struggle with their financial issues. Lack of resources is another issue
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
individuals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
suffer from a difficult lifestyle.
For example
, a typical student's needs are higher than ordinary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
need equipment like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
materials, laptops, books, food, and accommodation.

Secondly
, In the modern world, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
, which provide private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. Even the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
not at university-level, with money they can conduct their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
enrolling with the campus.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
unable to complete their college
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
properly
as a result
of that they miss
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
For example
, without a quality lifestyle,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
children will not able to complete their primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
even they are
extremely
intelligent. And those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
the workforce early due to family issues,
consequently
, they miss their education.

Finally
, I argue that with grate financial background opens a party to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
even any condition.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
suffering from
poorly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to access any kind of campus due to the numerous problems.
However
, it
is known
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
leaders and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
characters have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
form low-level background.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay You are going on a short training course at a collage in Green mount, Northern Ireland. You need somewhere to live while you are there. Write a letter to the accommodation officer at the college. In your letter, explain your situationdescribe the accommodat v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
279 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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