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You are a member of an organisation which meets regularly at a particular restaurant The most recent meal you had there was not satisfactory Write a letter to the manager of the restaurant In your letter explain why you are writing describe what went wron v.1

You are a member of an organisation which meets regularly at a particular restaurant The most recent meal you had there was not satisfactory Write a letter to the manager of the restaurant In your letter explain why you are writing describe what went wron v. 1
It has been a matter of worry because of the colossal number in crime rates in multiple countries. Many people believe that this situation is a result of television showing violent images or series or because of aggressive computer games. However, I believe that there are other factors too which drags people towards crime. It seems absurd to deny that media is a very powerful influencing weapon. Many times vulgarities and violence are shown on TV which people try to imitate unaware about the end result. For instance, in the USA a student killed 30 students after watching a TV program. At times, people are so involved in what they are watching, they cannot even control their own mind. For example, many people committed suicide after playing Blue Whale game because the game demands that. Moreover, there are other reasons too. One of them is the new family structure. Earlier grandparents were there to guide their children and grandchildren about the right and wrong by keeping an eye on them or on their friend circle, but today there are more nuclear families so the absence of grandparents has left parents alone to decide everything on their own. In addition, both parents nowadays are working, making children feel unattended. Secondly, rising unemployment can make people frustrated and they can go astray. Furthermore, consumerist society can also be one of the factors. To sum up, increase in crime rates can be because of violent images shown on Television or mind controlling video games, but there are other factors too, such as unemployment, lack of parents or grandparents presence and consumerist society which can move people towards committing crime.
It has been a matter of worry
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the colossal number in crime rates in multiple countries.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that this situation is a result of television showing violent images or series or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of aggressive computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
However
, I believe that there are other factors too which drags
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
towards crime.

It seems absurd to deny that media is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
powerful influencing weapon.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
times vulgarities and violence
are shown
on TV which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
try to imitate unaware about the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
result.
For instance
, in the USA a student killed 30 students after watching a TV program. At times,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
involved in what they are watching, they cannot even control their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
mind.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
committed suicide after playing Blue Whale game
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the game demands that.

Moreover
, there are other reasons too. One of them is the new family structure. Earlier grandparents were there to guide their children and grandchildren about the right and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
by keeping an eye on them or on their friend circle,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
there are more nuclear families
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the absence of grandparents has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
parents alone to decide everything on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
.
In addition
, both parents nowadays are working, making children feel unattended.
Secondly
, rising unemployment can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
frustrated and
they can go astray.
Furthermore
, consumerist society can
also
be one of the factors.

To sum up, increase in crime rates can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of violent images shown on Television or mind controlling video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there are other factors too, such as unemployment, lack of parents or grandparents presence and consumerist society which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
towards committing crime.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay You are a member of an organisation which meets regularly at a particular restaurant The most recent meal you had there was not satisfactory Write a letter to the manager of the restaurant In your letter explain why you are writing describe what went wron v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
276 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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