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you and some friend discussing what to do in coming sumer break.there are three choices: attending a health club, attending a language club, atteanding cooking club. which one do you think is the best choice.

you and some friend discussing what to do in coming sumer break. there are three choices: attending a health club, attending a language club, atteanding cooking club. which one do you think is the best choice. Kyqg3
I have a plan to join a health club with two close friends during summer vacation. Although the language and the cooking club was also opened, it attracted a lot of participants and I was also recommended by friends. However, I dedicate my interest to the topic of health and a club about the field would be very suitable for me. We are always interested in health topics because we aspire to a healthy lifestyle. We want to learn ways to improve our health and avoid bad things through the recommendations of experts and we care about instead of things that don't really pay attention to us as cooks or learn other languages. When joining a language or cooking club, most of a person's time is quite boring and not too active, most of the time just learning new knowledge from the language club or learning and teaching some simple dishes from the cooking club. On the contrary, when participating in the health club, we will experience many interesting activities from exercise and playing sports. On the one hand, it gives us excitement and pleasure, on the other hand, it improves our health. Besides, joining a health club can help my friends keep their weight. They will have a more fit body instead of gaining weight from sitting a long time in the language club and have to try new dishes from the cooking club In short, to have a healthy body, the first thing is to know about the ways to make the body healthy. I believe that joining the health club is definitely the best choice for us
I have a plan to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
club
with two close friends during summer vacation. Although the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
and the cooking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
club
was
also
opened, it attracted
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
participants and
I was
also
recommended by friends.
However
, I dedicate my interest to the topic of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
club
about the field would be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
suitable for me.

We are always interested in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
topics
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
we aspire to a healthy lifestyle. We want to learn ways to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and avoid
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
things through the recommendations of
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
experts and
we care about
instead
of things that don't
really
pay attention to us as cooks or learn other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
. When joining a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
or cooking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
club
, most of a person's time is quite boring and not too active, most of the time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
learning new knowledge from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
club
or learning and teaching
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
simple dishes from the cooking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
club
.
On the contrary
, when participating in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
club
, we will experience
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
interesting activities from exercise and playing sports. On the one hand, it gives us excitement and pleasure,
on the other hand
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
Besides
, joining a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
club
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
my friends
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their weight. They will have a more fit body
instead
of gaining weight from sitting a long time in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
club
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
try new dishes from the cooking club

In short, to have a healthy body, the
first
thing is to know about the ways to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the body healthy. I believe that joining the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
club
is definitely the best choice for
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
us
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IELTS essay you and some friend discussing what to do in coming sumer break. there are three choices: attending a health club, attending a language club, atteanding cooking club. which one do you think is the best choice.

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
269 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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