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Now children have more freedom than past. To what extent you agree

Now children have more freedom than past. To what extent you agree aJ6rd
Nowadays, people believe that children have more liberty as compared with past one's. I partially agrees with this notion and think so that technological advancement has played a crucial role in providing children more freedom, but I still consider that children in past too enjoyed a sort of freedom during their childhood To commence with, in recent times, technology advancement has impacted everyone's life whether child or adult and it has helped children in attaining more freedom as now they get their own personal mobile phones at very early age, which allows them to interact with more people and they can meet and conversate with several strangers with the use of social media. Additionally, they gets the opportunity to play games of their liking and storing their personal stuff like photos and friends contacts in their mobile phones. Moreover, using internet they can also get to know about various new clothing fashions and if possible can also order their needed things from internet, while such things were not possible in past as they had a limited access to their parents mobiles. On the contrary, behaviour of children is still the same and it is considered that children have the best ability to express their feelings without hesitation, so in past too children, what they want they express it to parents. In addition to this, children of past too had the freedom of choosing their own careers without any pressure as people of that time did not force their children to choose a specific streamIn conclusion, children's of past enjoyed a freedom of making choices, but with technology advancement it has slightly widened further
Nowadays,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have more liberty as compared with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
one's. I
partially
Possible agreement error -- use base form here: "agree".
agrees
with this notion and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that technological advancement has played a crucial role in providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freedom
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I
still
consider that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
too enjoyed a sort of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freedom
during their childhood To commence with, in recent times, technology advancement has impacted everyone's life whether child or adult and it has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in attaining more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freedom
as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
personal mobile phones at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
early age, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
them to interact with more
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
people and
they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
conversate
with several strangers with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of social media.
Additionally
, they
The pronoun 'they' must be used with a non-third-person form of a verb: "get"
gets
the opportunity to play games of their liking and storing their personal stuff like photos and friends contacts in their mobile phones.
Moreover
, using internet they can
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to know about various new clothing fashions and if possible can
also
order their needed things from internet, while such things were not possible in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
as they had
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "limited access".
a limited access
to their parents mobiles.
On the contrary
,
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is
still
the same and it
is considered
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have the best ability to express their feelings without hesitation,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
too
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, what they want they express it to parents.
In addition
to this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
too had the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freedom
of choosing their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
careers without any pressure as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
of that time did not force their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to choose a specific
Possible spelling mistake found.
streamIn
conclusion, children's of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
enjoyed a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
freedom
of making choices,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
with technology advancement it has
slightly
widened
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
further
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IELTS essay Now children have more freedom than past. To what extent you agree

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
272 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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