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Writing Task 2: Some people believe young people are more attracted to fashion and it causes negative aspects to themselves and society. Do you agree or disagree?

Writing Task 2: Some people believe young people are more attracted to fashion and it causes negative aspects to themselves and society. pRQOD
It is often asserted that the latest fashion trends are more followed by teenagers, and a few people perceive this has detrimental effects on them and society as a whole. Despite being unacceptable to a section of society, I vehemently agree with the notion and believe that their desire for the latest fashion would put undue pressure on parent’s budget, and society as a whole lose its norms and values. To begin with, the young generation sometimes went crazy about the latest fashion. This is to say, they think that all modern gadgets and dresses must be purchased by their parent. This is because of massive scale celebrity-endorsed advertisements which focusses young people to buy their luxurious products. For instance, according to the BBC survey report, the average Pakistani family cannot afford Apple’s products; however, young people in Pakistan force their parents every year to buy the latest Apple smartphone. This is because it is considered a fashion symbol. Therefore, people at a young age buy products just to show off and look cool in front of people; all this has detrimental effects on their way of thinking. Notwithstanding the view that progress in today’s era is only possible if young people have the latest products, their role in spoiling society as a whole by lucrative adverts that brainwash children’s mind to buy expensive items to satisfy their ego, is it possible to ignore this? If everyone wishes to purchase modern fashion items it would certainly difficult for some to bear the cost. So, some people would follow the wrong ways to fulfill their desires. Take an example of the United States, where 20 percent of school and college-going students often sell drugs to buys expensive shoes and new dresses. Thus, this fast fashion drives youth to commit crimes. In conclusion, although keeping yourself up to date is not a bad thing, I staunchly opine that following it blindly and forcing parents or committing crimes to meet the latest fashion’s demands would eventually destroy society and a person’s life.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
asserted that the latest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
trends are more followed by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
, and a few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
perceive this has detrimental effects on them and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
as a whole. Despite being unacceptable to a section of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
, I
vehemently
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the notion and believe that their desire for the latest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
would put undue pressure on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent’s
budget, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
as a whole lose its norms and values.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
went crazy about the latest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
. This is to say, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that all modern gadgets and dresses
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchased
by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of massive scale celebrity-endorsed advertisements which
Possible spelling mistake. 'focusses' is British English.
focusses
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
their luxurious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
.
For instance
, according to the BBC survey report, the average Pakistani family cannot afford Apple’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
;
however
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in Pakistan force their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
every year to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
the latest Apple smartphone. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
is considered
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
symbol.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
at a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
off and look cool in front of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
; all this has detrimental effects on their way of thinking.

Notwithstanding the view that progress in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s era is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
possible if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have the latest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
, their role in spoiling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
as a whole by lucrative adverts that brainwash children’s mind to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
expensive items to satisfy their ego, is it possible to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
this? If everyone wishes to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
items it would
certainly
difficult for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
to bear the cost.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would follow the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
ways to fulfill their desires. Take an example of the United States, where 20 percent of school and college-going students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
sell drugs to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buys
expensive shoes and new dresses.
Thus
, this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
drives youth to commit crimes.

In conclusion
, although keeping yourself up to date is not a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
thing, I
staunchly
opine that following it
blindly
and forcing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
or committing crimes to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the latest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion’s
demands would
eventually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
and a person’s life.
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IELTS essay Writing Task 2: Some people believe young people are more attracted to fashion and it causes negative aspects to themselves and society.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
339 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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