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Writing an essay about my Last Birthday

Writing an essay about my Last Birthday Wn9M5
Today I'm going to talk about my birthday which is the best day in a year for me. My birthday is on the 1st of November and I always do my birthday party every year till now. For this year, I held my birthday party last Monday. In the morning I helped my aunt and my grandpa to do housework then we cooked spicy hot pot which is really delicious. In the afternoon, me and my uncle went to the cake shop which is famous in our town. Then, we ordered a birthday cake which is sweet and delicious. In the evening, it's very quiet before many people came to my birthday party. Then, me and my uncle went to cake shop and we bought some spray. When we returned, there is a spicy hot pot and we ate it after that we sang a birthday song and we ate a birthday cake. That night we had lots of fun and my neighbors gave me a present so I'm very happy. I like my birthday because it's the best day for me. That is all about my birthday.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
I'm going to talk about my birthday which is the best day in a year for me. My birthday is on the 1st of November and I always do my birthday party every year till
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
. For this year, I held my birthday party last Monday. In the morning I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
my aunt and my grandpa to do housework then we cooked spicy hot pot which is
really
delicious. In the afternoon, me and my uncle went to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cake
shop which is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
in our town. Then, we ordered a birthday
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cake
which is sweet and delicious. In the evening, it's
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
quiet
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
came to my birthday party. Then, me and my uncle went to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cake
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
shop and
we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
spray. When we returned, there is a spicy hot
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
pot and
we ate it after that we sang a birthday
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
song and
we ate a birthday
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cake
. That night we had lots of fun and my neighbors gave me a present
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
I'm
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
happy. I like my birthday
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it's the best day for me.
That is
all about my birthday.
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IELTS essay Writing an essay about my Last Birthday

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
188 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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