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writing about the rate of the crime among people specially young people?

writing about the rate of the crime among people specially young people? 56k2e
the number of people who committed crimes have been sharply increased in modern society, specially among youngsters, regardless to the level of the society they live, which mainly few basic factors are considered as the cause of displaying crimes. Most of crimes are being evidenced from families who are severely suffered social economic issues. Poverty possibly is the most reason for committing crimes, such as theft or burglary. Those who committed more serious crimes namely, murder, tackle with serious psychological disorders, and that would probably be their motive. Turning to possible solutions, an obvious step is to reduce the rate of unemployment in the society, by supporting new start-ups as well as, labor rights On the other hand there should be more restricted rules for gun possession. In most democratic countries, such as The USA, in which gun ownership is not banned, this freedom causes some phenomenon. For instance, in 2018 a school student killed 12 students and his teacher. if we took these steps, the amount of crime would diminish automotically. A second remedy might be the Universities autority in order to offer more educational funds to people, who are partly considered as "the poor", since educating can apparentely guaranteed the job opportiunity, though Universities could be able to paid-job experiences to its students. In summary, with cooperation between the governments and the Universities, people can benefit from its job satisfactions and the society can observe less crime though.
the
number of
people
who
committed
crimes
have been
sharply
increased in modern
society
,
specially
among youngsters, regardless to the level of the
society
they
live
, which
mainly
few basic factors
are considered
as the cause of displaying crimes.

Most of
crimes
are
being evidenced
from families
who
are
severely
suffered social economic issues. Poverty
possibly
is the most reason for committing
crimes
, such as theft or burglary. Those
who
committed more serious
crimes
namely
, murder, tackle with serious psychological disorders, and that would
probably
be their motive.

Turning to possible solutions, an obvious step is to
reduce
the rate of unemployment in the
society
, by supporting new
start
-ups
as well
as, labor rights

On the other hand
there should be more restricted
rules
for gun possession. In most democratic countries, such as The USA, in which gun ownership is not banned, this freedom causes
some
phenomenon.
For instance
, in 2018 a school student killed 12 students and his teacher.

if
we took these steps, the amount of
crime
would diminish
automotically
.

A second remedy might be the Universities
autority
in order to offer more educational funds to
people
,
who
are partly considered as
"
the poor
"
, since educating can
apparentely
guaranteed the job
opportiunity
, though Universities could be able to paid-job experiences to its students.

In summary, with cooperation between the
governments
and the Universities,
people
can benefit from its job satisfactions and the
society
can observe less
crime
though.
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IELTS essay writing about the rate of the crime among people specially young people?

Essay
  American English
7 paragraphs
240 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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