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Writing 14/05 the benefits of university education

Writing 14/05 the benefits of university education 3abrJ
On the other hand, there are a variety of reasons why people tend to choose to continue their education after high school. Firstly, they have numerous new chances and time to improve their hard-skills as well as soft skills than working. There is a huge diversity of internal clubs where students participating will be continually trained in soft-skills such as: teamwork, presentation, writing content or public speaking competence by mentors and can learn from them. Moreover, the expertise about their majors at universities will be increasingly consolidated and enhanced through the learning process in the university where an enormous number of professional and experienced lectures gather. Therefore, it is clear that their career path could be wider and more favourable with a higher salary level. Secondly, expanding relationships is inevitable. It is university friends, external friends or even relations with lectures or colleagues, and so on. There is a tremendous number of friends coming from many different places with a diverse understanding which they might acquire from each other. From those relationships, they can open up many job opportunities, investment options and especially the great friendship will follow them throughout their life.
On the other hand
, there are a variety of reasons why
people
tend to choose to continue their education after high school.
Firstly
, they have numerous new chances and time to
improve
their
hard
-
skills
as well
as soft
skills
than working. There is a huge diversity of internal clubs where students participating will be
continually
trained in soft-
skills
such as: teamwork, presentation, writing content or public speaking competence by mentors and can learn from them.
Moreover
, the expertise about their majors at universities will be
increasingly
consolidated and enhanced through the learning process in the university where an enormous number of professional and experienced lectures gather.
Therefore
, it is
clear
that their career path could be wider and more
favourable
with a higher salary level.
Secondly
, expanding relationships is inevitable. It is university friends, external friends or even relations with lectures or colleagues, and
so
on. There is a tremendous number of friends coming from
many
different
places with a diverse understanding which they might acquire from each other. From those relationships, they can open up
many
job opportunities, investment options and
especially
the great friendship will follow them throughout their life.
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IELTS essay Writing 14/05 the benefits of university education

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
192 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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