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Write two body paragraphs in class about the causes and effects of rising population.

Write two body paragraphs in class about the causes and effects of rising population. E7703
There are several causes of rising population in this century especially in Bangkok which is the capital of Thailand. To begin with, the major cause is immigration for employment. There are approximately 70 million people within 76 provinces. People need more job opportunities and stay in Bangkok permanently. Next, some people lack family planning because the number of households is continually rising. The city has a high density of people based on limited areas. Some families consist of parents and grandparents in the same living place and reproduce the next generation without proper planning such as education, expenditure and management for their children. Lastly, medical care and hospitals are better than the past. People use high technologies for some diseases and symptoms such as cancer. Some disorders like bipolar and depression have better medical pills which control the chemical substances in people’s brain and keep it constantly. When clients take pills according to the schedule, they will get better with steady emotions every single day. This paragraph shows three effects of rising population. First of all, the most common effect is poverty. When a large population lives in the limited areas, living expenditures increase and some people cannot afford that expensive price. For example, people used to pay one hundred baht per day for food consumption in the past, but nowadays they have to spend more than 2 or 3 times for food. Second, another effect is the rising population relates to waste. The most waste generated in Thailand is Bangkok and the metropolitan area. Many people produce more waste such as solid waste from food packaging, plastic wastes, and other types depending on their lifestyles. If the municipal offices do not provide proper management, these areas will be full of waste and become the major problems in the following days. Finally, the last effect of rising population is lack of health facilities. Because hospital equipment and medical workers are limited, there is not enough for every people. In addition, doctors and nurses have to prioritize between emergency and general cases. Sometimes they spend more time for diagnosing the client’s symptoms combined with treatment planning. After that, they always recheck and make it suitable for each client.
There are several causes of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
in this century
especially
in Bangkok which is the capital of Thailand. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the major cause is immigration for employment. There are approximately 70 million
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
within 76 provinces.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
need more job opportunities and stay in Bangkok
permanently
.
Next
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
lack family planning
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the number of households is
continually
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rising
. The city has a high density of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
based on limited
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
families consist of parents and grandparents in the same living place and reproduce the
next
generation without proper planning such as education, expenditure and management for their children.
Lastly
, medical care and hospitals are better than the past.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
high technologies for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
diseases and symptoms such as cancer.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
disorders like bipolar and depression have better medical pills which control the chemical substances in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
brain and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
it
constantly
. When clients take pills according to the schedule, they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
better with steady emotions every single day.

This paragraph
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
three effects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the most common
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
effect
is poverty. When a large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
in the limited
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
, living expenditures increase and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
cannot afford that expensive price.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to pay one hundred baht per day for food consumption in the past,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
nowadays they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
spend more than 2 or 3 times for food. Second, another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
effect
is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
relates to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
waste
. The most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
waste
generated in Thailand is Bangkok and the metropolitan
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
produce more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
waste
such as solid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
waste
from food packaging, plastic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wastes
, and other types depending on their lifestyles. If the municipal offices do not provide proper management, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
will be full of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
waste
and become the major problems in the following days.
Finally
, the last
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
effect
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
is lack of health facilities.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
hospital equipment and medical workers
are limited
, there is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
for every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
In addition
, doctors and nurses
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
prioritize between emergency and general cases.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
they spend more time for diagnosing the client’s symptoms combined with treatment planning. After that, they always recheck and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it suitable for each client.
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IELTS essay Write two body paragraphs in class about the causes and effects of rising population.

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
367 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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