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Extra Curricular Activities

Extra Curricular Activities QllYP
let's start when i go to high school. 10th grade wasn't too prominent, but in 11th grade, I participated in a science and technology competition organized by my school and won the fourth prize out of 20 projects. My partner and I wrote together a program that can automatically control electronic devices on your phone if you can't be at home. We worked very hard and learned a lot from the teacher who supported us, there were days when my friend and I had to give up naps to fix bugs with my teacher. It can be tiring but it's fun. Year 11 was also a great stepping stone for me from a shy kid to become more active. In year 12 I became a member of the school's executive committee and class secretary. Although I have to study a lot to prepare for the university entrance exam, I still participate in school activities very enthusiastically. I together with the secretary and other members have planned activities for the school. But because of the pandemic, everything had to be cancelled. The consolation is that we still have the graduation ceremony. Time seems to go by so fast, I'm a sophomore now but sadly I still haven't experienced many school activities. Fortunately, at the beginning of my freshman year, I was able to join the school's ACPP club and was a member of the MC committee. I and my brothers and sisters went to Thanh An island commune to help students with difficult circumstances, although tired but very happy. But also because of covid 19, all activities seem to have been postponed. hopefully one day soon, I will be able to go back to school and do useful things with my club
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
let
's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
when
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
go to high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. 10th grade wasn't too prominent,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in 11th grade, I participated in a science and technology competition organized by my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and won the fourth prize out of 20 projects. My partner and I wrote together a program that can
automatically
control electronic devices on your phone if you can't be at home. We worked
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and learned a lot from the teacher who supported us, there were days when my friend and I had to give up naps to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fix
bugs with my teacher. It can be tiring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it's fun. Year 11 was
also
a great stepping stone for me from a shy kid to become more active.

In year 12 I became a member of the school's executive committee and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
secretary. Although I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
study a lot to prepare for the university entrance exam, I
still
participate in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
enthusiastically
. I together with the secretary and other members have planned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the pandemic, everything had to
be cancelled
. The consolation is that we
still
have the graduation ceremony.

Time seems to go by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
, I'm a sophomore
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
sadly
I
still
haven't experienced
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
.
Fortunately
, at the beginning of my freshman year, I was able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
the school's
Possible spelling mistake found.
ACPP
club and was a member of the MC committee. I and my brothers and sisters went to Thanh An island commune to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
students with difficult circumstances, although tired
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
happy.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
Did you mean "COVID-19" or the alternative spelling "Covid-19" (= coronavirus)?
covid 19
, all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
seem to have
been postponed
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
hopefully
one day
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
, I will be able to go back to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and do useful things with my
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
club
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IELTS essay Extra Curricular Activities

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
290 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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