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Write to college accomodation officer for renting room in your apartment. Tell where is your apartmentDescribe your roomWhat kind of person you prefer v.1

Write to college accomodation officer for renting room in your apartment. Tell where is your apartmentDescribe your roomWhat kind of person you prefer v. 1
There are some nations where judicial proceedings of criminal cases are televised. This essay shall first discuss the benefits of this in the sense that it builds public trust, followed by a problem that it causes around the peace and harmony of the region. Publicly televised cases of crimes increases the transparency of the courtrooms. Instead of closed door trials, where people have no clue about what the lawyers are saying, open forums enables them to hear both the sides of the argument. This impedes the second hand information being passed to the general public which in turn increases their trust in the justice system. For example, In USA people believe that the public hearing of senator's confirmation has increased their faith in the authorities. On the downside, a disadvantage of having open hearings is that people may sometimes disagree with the ruling. Because of this, their resentment towards courts grows and they lose respect of the lawyers and the judges. Additionally, when the public does not agree with the court's decision, it can also lead to protests which can cause civil disobedience and unrest. For instance, televised decision in a murder case in North Carolina caused a widespread protest last year. To sum up, although having the public listen in on the dealings inside the court help grow a more transparent system, it also can be potentially dangerous to the peace in the community. In my opinion the benefits that an open door hearing provides is much less appealing due to the grave danger it poses to the community.
There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
nations where judicial proceedings of criminal cases
are televised
. This essay shall
first
discuss the benefits of this in the sense that it builds
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
trust, followed by a problem that it causes around the peace and harmony of the region.

Publicly
televised cases of crimes increases the transparency of the courtrooms.
Instead
of closed door trials, where
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have no clue about what the lawyers are saying, open forums enables them to hear both the sides of the argument. This impedes the second hand information
being passed
to the general
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
which in turn increases their trust in the justice system.
For example
, In USA
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
hearing of senator's confirmation has increased their faith in the authorities.

On the downside, a disadvantage of having open hearings is that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
disagree with the ruling.
Because of this
, their resentment towards courts
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
grows and
they lose respect of the lawyers and the judges.
Additionally
, when the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the court's decision, it can
also
lead to protests which can cause civil disobedience and unrest.
For instance
, televised decision in a murder case in North Carolina caused a widespread protest last year.

To sum up, although having the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
listen in on the dealings inside the court
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
grow a more transparent system, it
also
can be
potentially
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
to the peace in the community. In my opinion the benefits that an open door hearing provides is much less appealing due to the grave
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
it poses to the community.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Write to college accomodation officer for renting room in your apartment. Tell where is your apartmentDescribe your roomWhat kind of person you prefer v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
260 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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