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Write Narrative paragraph Something that happened to you while you were on trip.

Write Narrative paragraph Something that happened to you while you were on trip. gDBrg
One of the moments that I will hardly ever forget in my life happened last year when I got lost for the first time in Long An. I wanted to see the sights in Long An, so my cousins took me to a remote house that looked like it was abandoned. However, we discovered a path near the river. Filled with curiosity, we moved toward the river. It was very quiet there. Driven by something, I started to move to the river and suddenly I was pushed down into it. I sank underwater because I didn’t know how to swim. One of my cousins saw what had happened and shouted out to the others. A few minutes later, I was pulled up by my cousins and I couldn’t say anything. After going a short way from the river, we heard a strange voice saying "Go away". We stopped moving and felt scared of this place. We ran. We ran fast and arrived home safely before dark. I thought I would die at that time, but God blessed me. I think we shouldn’t be curious about something strange or not familiar to us so much. To avoid problems, we should listen to adults.
One of the moments that I will hardly ever forget in my life happened last year when I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
lost for the
first
time in Long
Did you forget something after 'An'?
An.
I wanted to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the sights in Long
Did you forget something after 'An'?
An,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
my cousins took me to a remote
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
that looked like it
was abandoned
.
However
, we discovered a path near the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
river
. Filled with curiosity, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moved
toward the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
river
. It was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
quiet there. Driven by something, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
river
and
suddenly
I
was pushed
down into it. I sank underwater
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I didn’t know how to swim. One of my cousins
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
what had happened and shouted out to the others. A few minutes later, I
was pulled
up by my cousins and I couldn’t say anything. After going a short way from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
river
, we heard a strange voice saying
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
Go away
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
. We
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stopped
moving and felt scared of this place. We ran.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
We
ran
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
and arrived home
safely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
dark. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
I would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
at that time,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
God blessed me. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
we shouldn’t be curious about something strange or not familiar to us
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much. To avoid problems, we should listen to adults.
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IELTS essay Write Narrative paragraph Something that happened to you while you were on trip.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
202 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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