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Write about your ideal job

Write about your ideal job BwaRw
As I was a freshman, I started thinking about my future and my ideal job was no exception. When I was a child, I used to want to be a doctor. After I grow up a little bit, I wanted to be an administrative staff of the bank because I had trouble with transferring money. I thought if I was one of the bank's staff it will be easier. However, I am a freshman majoring in Human Resource Management (HRM) now. This profession excited me in the following ways: psychology, economy, administration, . . . I prefer psychology to the economy because I hated Math very much and my personality was suited to psychology too. Unfortunately, psychology wasn't popular in Vietnam. Therefore, I chose Human Resource Management as my ideal job. Now, I am studying this major at Hoa Sen University, which is one of the universities that doesn't have a podium. To sum up, I hope it will be my ideal job as I expected.
As I was a freshman, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
thinking about my future and my ideal job was no exception. When I was a child, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to want to be a doctor. After I grow up a
Reduce redundancy by using "little" or "bit".
little bit
, I wanted to be an administrative staff of the bank
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I had trouble with transferring money. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
if I was one of the bank's staff it will be easier.
However
, I am a freshman majoring in Human Resource Management (HRM)
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
. This profession excited me in the following ways:
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
psychology
, economy, administration
Did you just mean "," or "."?
, .
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
I prefer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
psychology
to the economy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I hated Math
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
much and my personality
was suited
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
psychology
too. Unfortunately,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
psychology
wasn't popular in Vietnam.
Therefore
, I chose Human Resource Management as my ideal job.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
, I am studying this major at
Possible spelling mistake found.
Hoa
Sen University, which is one of the universities that doesn't have a podium. To sum up, I hope it will be my ideal job as I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
.

IELTS essay Write about your ideal job

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
166 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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