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Write about what you want to do in the future

Write about what you want to do in the future LbwVV
Everyone has at least thought of what they want to be in the future. I have always want to be an marketing officer. Since I was a little kid, I have watched TV a lot, all my favourite kids shows were very interesting but sometimes I saw a comerical interupted them. At first I think it was bad to be interupted then I watched a commerical that has a really catchy song about milk, it such an interesting song that makes me want to buy the product they are adtiseving. When I get older, I understand that what they called “ Marketing”. As a person, I am a creative one, I like exploring new things or new ways to do things not the way most of people do. I also very sensitivity, I always catch up with viral things or trend on the Internet. That’s why I think I’m suitable for this position. If I am a marketing officer I will work in Marketing department where people advertise the products, bring them closer to customer’s reach. I will have to think about how to promote the products in a effective way and how to raise the sales. When I work as a marketing officer, I will report my work to marketing director. They are in charge of marketing department.
Everyone has at least
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
of what they want to be in the future. I have always
Possible agreement error -- use past participle here: "wanted".
want
to be
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marketing
officer. Since I was a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
kid, I have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watched
TV a lot, all my
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
kids
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
interesting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
a
Possible spelling mistake found.
comerical
Possible spelling mistake found.
interupted
them. At
The comma is probably missing here: "first, I".
first I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
to be
Possible spelling mistake found.
interupted
then I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watched
a
Possible spelling mistake found.
commerical
that has a
really
catchy song about milk, it such an interesting song that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
me want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
the product they are
Possible spelling mistake found.
adtiseving
. When I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
older, I understand that what they called
Don't put a space on both sides of a quote symbol
“
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Marketing”
. As a person, I am a creative one, I like exploring new things or new ways to do things not the way most of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
do. I
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
sensitivity, I always catch up with viral things or trend on the Internet. That’s why I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
I’m suitable for this position. If I am a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marketing
officer I will work in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Marketing
department where
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
advertise the products, bring them closer to customer’s reach. I will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about how to promote the products
Consider replacing "in a effective way" with the adverb for "effective"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a effective way
and how to raise the sales. When I work as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marketing
officer, I will report my work to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marketing
director. They are in charge of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marketing
department.
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IELTS essay Write about what you want to do in the future

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
219 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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