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poverty and donation by rich countries

poverty and donation by rich countries PRWeg
Throughout the globe there are countries which are rich and developed, developing countries and underdeveloped countries. Poverty is one of the main concerns of developing and underdeveloped economies like India, Africa etc. It not only causes harm to the growth and development of these nations but also makes the sufferers unable to meet their basic requirements. Rich countries often send financial aids to help these countries in cases of natural calamities (like floods, forest fires), political tensions etc to support the poorer( developing or underdeveloped) countries. However these aids being of financial nature deplete sooner or later and does not provide the people to hold on to something of permanent nature. According to my opinions instead of financial aids these countries should be helped by giving a permanent source of earning; for example many multinationals are setting up their factories and offices in these developing and underdeveloped nations which helps the youth to have an employment opportunity which can generate a long term income. Example: Hindustan Unilever in India, Hyundai, Laursen and tubro etc are some firms which have provided employment to many. Many call centres are being set up in these countries which provides great scope of employment to the vast populations of countries like India. The other option available is Foreign direct investment which directly contributes towards the developments of companies and business which in turn provides employment and leads to economic growth in the countries. I have seen Ngo’s, rich countries and international organisations helping poor sections but have also seen how after some time they are again miserable. As the financial helps end or lowers people who cannot afford much forces their children to drop from schools to work and earn. I suggest that instead of making donations and contributions these countries and organisations should think bigger and make awareness about education and its neccessity, they should try to provide free education health check ups, skill development programs so that poor people can live healthy and earn their incomes in the long run to become independent.
Throughout the globe there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
which are rich and developed,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
underdeveloped
countries.

Poverty is one of the main concerns of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developing
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
underdeveloped
economies like India, Africa etc. It not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
causes harm to the growth and development of these nations
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the sufferers unable to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
their basic requirements.

Rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
aids to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
in cases of natural calamities (like floods, forest fires), political tensions etc to support the poorer
Don't put a space after the opening parenthesis
(
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developing
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
underdeveloped)
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
these aids being of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
nature deplete sooner or later and does not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to hold on to something of permanent nature.

According to my opinions
instead
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
aids these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
by giving a permanent source of earning;
for example
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
multinationals are setting up their factories and offices in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developing
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
underdeveloped
nations which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
the youth to have an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employment
opportunity which can generate a long term income.

Example: Hindustan Unilever in India, Hyundai,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Laursen
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
tubro
etc are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
firms which have provided
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employment
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
call
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
are
being set
up in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provides
great scope of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employment
to the vast populations of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
like India.

The other option available is Foreign direct investment which
directly
contributes towards the developments of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
and business which in turn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provides
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employment
and leads to economic growth in the countries.

I have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ngo
’s, rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
and international
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
helping poor sections
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
have
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
how after
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
time they are again miserable. As the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
or lowers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who cannot afford
Use "many" with countable nouns.
much
forces their children to drop from schools to work and earn. I suggest that
instead
of making donations and contributions these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
and
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
bigger and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
awareness about education and its
Possible spelling mistake found.
neccessity
, they should try to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
free education health
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
ups,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
development programs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that poor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
healthy and earn their incomes in the long run to become independent.
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IELTS essay poverty and donation by rich countries

Essay
  American English
8 paragraphs
340 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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