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Why would you be a great participant in the Global UGRAD Program?

Why would you be a great participant in the Global UGRAD Program? pba5y
One of the best opportunities in life would be studying in the United States and having the opportunity to come across this program would be helpful for me to make changes to my home community. Being brought up in a big city of Saudi Arabia, then moving to a rural area of Thailand, I see a big difference within the Education system in Thailand, which I believe that the English Education here is not quite effective for young learners of 21st century. I then volunteered to teach English for a month in a small school nearby where I faced some difficulties when teaching there, students cannot read nor speak English at all. But with my enthusiasm to bring English language into their lives, I quickly solved by adapting of what I have learned and observed from my teachers back in Saudi Arabia. Guiding them with reading to correcting their pronunciation, I see some changes in them. I also volunteered in another small school to conduct a brain-based learning, in which we painted the outer walls of the school with the alphabets A to Z. Students were excited with the results, they not only get to see the paintings, but they were also learning by observing. This motivates and encourages me more to be someone that can be helpful within the community. Recently, I went to do my research on Thai Education towards English language and according to the EF English Proficiency Index, Thailand ranked 22 out of 24 overall in Asian countries. As an English Major and as the future teacher of the next generation, I simply cannot turn a blind eye to this. With teachers teaching students with traditional method of structure and memorization, lead to students’ unwillingness to study. Therefore, by studying in the United States will provide me greater opportunity to observe how the American education system works, how classroom management are conducted and how can I bring back of what I have studied from the United States to make changes in my home community. I do not want to limit myself studying with the education that I receive here, I do not want to limit myself studying English major just to call myself an English teacher in the future but I would like to explore more and bring changes for the development of my home education system. I will not only get the opportunity to bring what I have learned to my home country, but I will also apply of what I have gained and share of what I have accomplished with my peers, where with passion and believe we can build a school and a better community together. I will not only bring what I have achieved but I will also share the culture of my beloved country to different people that I will encountered. I will talk about the land of smile, especially the Northeastern part, where interesting dialects can be found, types of music genre and a different language that I have learned from one of my volunteering works as a member of Social Engineering, it is called “phasa Thai noy”.
One of the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunities
in life would be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
in the United States and having the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunity
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
across this program would be helpful for me to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
to my home community.
Being brought
up in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
city of Saudi Arabia, then moving to a rural area of Thailand, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
difference within the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Education
system in Thailand, which I believe that the English
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Education
here is not quite effective for young learners of 21st century.

I then volunteered to teach English for a month in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
nearby where I faced
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
difficulties when teaching there,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
cannot read nor speak English at all.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
with my enthusiasm to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bring
English language into their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, I
quickly
solved by adapting of what I have learned and observed from my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
back in Saudi Arabia. Guiding them with reading to correcting their pronunciation, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
in them. I
also
volunteered in another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
to conduct a brain-based learning, in which we painted the outer walls of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
with the alphabets A to Z.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
were excited
with the results, they not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the paintings,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they were
also
learning by observing. This motivates and encourages me more to be someone that can be helpful within the community.

Recently, I went to do my research on Thai
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Education
towards English language and according to the
Possible spelling mistake found.
EF
English Proficiency Index, Thailand ranked 22 out of 24
overall
in Asian countries. As an English Major and as the future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
of the
next
generation, I
simply
cannot turn a blind eye to this. With
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
with traditional method of structure and memorization, lead to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
unwillingness to study.

Therefore
, by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
in the United States will provide me greater
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunity
to observe how the American
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
system works, how classroom management
are conducted
and how can I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bring
back of what I have studied from the United States to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
in my home community. I do not want to limit myself
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
that I receive here, I do not want to limit myself
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
English major
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to call myself an English
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
in the future
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I would like to explore more and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
for the development of my home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
system. I will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunity
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bring
what I have learned to my home country,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I will
also
apply of what I have gained and share of what I have accomplished with my peers, where with passion and believe we can build a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and a better community together.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bring
what I have achieved
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I will
also
share the culture of my beloved country to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that I will
The verb 'will' requires the base form of the verb: "encounter"
encountered
.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
will talk about the land of smile,
especially
the Northeastern part, where interesting dialects can
be found
, types of music genre and a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
language that I have learned from one of my volunteering works as a member of Social Engineering, it
is called
“
Possible spelling mistake found.
phasa
Thai
Possible spelling mistake found.
noy
”.
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IELTS essay Why would you be a great participant in the Global UGRAD Program?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
518 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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