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Write about a person who influenced your career choice.

Write about a person who influenced your career choice. NWPxm
Every person once faces a choice in his life. And the most important choice is to choose one's profession. When you choose you should understand what things are you like. This fact helps you find your favorite business. I decided to study finance, banking. When I  chose I advised with my parents. They supported me and all my career connecting with finance. In my opinion, when you are 17 you can't know what do you want. Many people make a lot of mistakes in their choice. In the end we have unloved job and many many psychological problems after a few years. We shouldn't fear to change our life and loking for our love business again and again until find our favorite business.
Every person once faces a choice in his life. And the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
choice is to choose one's profession.
“When” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
When
you choose you should understand what things are you like. This fact
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
you find your favorite business.

I decided to study finance, banking.
“When” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
When
I
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
chose I advised with my parents. They supported me and all my career connecting with finance.

In my opinion, when you are 17 you can't know what do you want.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
mistakes in their choice. In the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
we have unloved job and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
psychological problems after a few years.

We shouldn't fear to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
our life and
Possible spelling mistake found.
loking
for our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
business again and again until find our favorite business.

IELTS essay Write about a person who influenced your career choice.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
123 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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