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Write about a favorite childhood memory

Write about a favorite childhood memory 95QOp
Growing up, I had a very loving family. I had caring parents and a big brother that eventhough pick on me but also care about me as much as them. So that’s mainly why my favorite childhood is also related to my family. It was when my dad took me and my brother to Thu Le park. I can remember it being on a weekend, my dad took us to the park on his motorbike. When we arrived, the felling of excitement fill my entire body. The amazing felling when I saw the animals in the park still remain vivid in my memory. Running and jumping around like the little kid I was. After that, we sat down for lunch and then we went home. And finally, we went home. The trip was so short and ever since, I hadn’t been able to come back to the park, I still remember the memory as if it was just yesterday.
Growing up, I had a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
loving family. I had caring parents and a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
brother that
Possible spelling mistake found.
eventhough
pick on me
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
care about me as much as them.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
that’s
mainly
why my favorite childhood is
also
related to my family. It was when my dad took me and my brother to Thu Le park.

I can remember it being on a weekend, my dad took us to the park on his motorbike. When we arrived, the felling of excitement fill my entire body. The amazing felling when I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
the animals in the park
still
remain vivid in my memory. Running and jumping around like the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
kid I was. After that, we sat down for
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
lunch and
then we went home. And
finally
, we went home.

The trip was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
short and ever since, I hadn’t been able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
back to the park, I
still
remember the memory as if it was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
yesterday.
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IELTS essay Write about a favorite childhood memory

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
159 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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