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Write a story entitled, 'The Beginning'.

Write a story entitled, 'The Beginning'. oErab
While handling question paper in one hand and in the other a bottle of poison, Sam thought that this is his end. He broke all the dreams of his father. He turned his life to the everlasting dark cave which was sometime before, enlighten by the dreams, aspirations, and ambitions to do something for his father. He made his father’s life, a hell. he cannot live with all these sins on his head. he does not have the right to live. He should die…, no he should die. Sam looked toward the bottle of poison in his hand. he took a long breath. he took the bottle toward his mouth, then suddenly, his eyes fall on the picture of his father hanging on the front wall. He was smiling, in fact, he was hiding the pain of his life from him because he always wants him to be happy. He thought to himself, “Will he be happy while seeing me unconscious? Will he be happy while seeing me fallen in front of his eyes with closed eyes? Will he be happy to see me dead? Yes, he will have some dreams for me but he can’t even dream of me doing something like this. ” “It was your fault, you haven’t studied. It was not your father’s fault. Who gave you permission to punish your father? ” his inner voice shouted to him, “Just imagine how he will feel carrying you to the coffin. Just imagine how he will feel when he will enter to this room and will see that his dream, his child is dead. Your father’s dream is not that you top every exam and become the richest man on this earth, his dream is you. He wants you to top in every exam of your life. ” His father, a retired man who is now a watchman of a building earns very little. Nonetheless whatever he earns gets spend on him. He remembers one day when my school socks got torn he asked his father to bring new socks, so he gave his socks to him and when he said that what will he wear, he said that he has an allergy to the socks. He has no right to harm such a great personality. He again looked towards the same bottle and in the next moment, he throws it. He wants to live; he wants to live for his father. he will make him happy. Yes, he did badly in this exam but in the next exam, he will make my father proud of him. This is the beginning of his new life.
While handling question paper in one hand and in the other a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bottle
of poison, Sam
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that this is his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
. He broke all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dreams
of his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
father
. He turned his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
to the everlasting dark cave which was sometime
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
, enlighten by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dreams
, aspirations, and ambitions to do something for his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
father
.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
He
made his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
father’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, a hell.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
he
cannot
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
with all these sins on his head.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
he
does not have the right to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
. He should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
…, no he should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
.

Sam looked toward the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bottle
of poison in his hand.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
he
took a long breath.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
he
took the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bottle
toward his mouth, then
suddenly
, his eyes fall on the picture of his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
father
hanging on the front wall. He was smiling, in fact, he was hiding the pain of his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
from him
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he always
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wants
him to be happy.

He
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
to himself, “Will he be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
while seeing me unconscious? Will he be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
while seeing me fallen in front of his eyes with closed eyes? Will he be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
me dead? Yes, he will have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dreams
for me
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
he can’t even
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dream
of me doing something like this. ”

“It was your fault, you haven’t studied. It was not your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
father’s
fault. Who gave you permission to punish your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
father
? ” his inner voice shouted to him, “
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Just
imagine how he will feel carrying you to the coffin.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Just
imagine how he will feel when he will enter to this room and will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dream
, his child is dead. Your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
father’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dream
is not that you top every exam and become the richest
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
on this earth, his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dream
is you. He
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wants
you to top in every exam of your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. ”

His
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
father
, a retired
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
who is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
a watchman of a building earns
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Nonetheless
whatever he earns
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
spend on him. He remembers one day when my school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
socks
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
torn he asked his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
father
to bring new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
socks
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
he gave his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
socks
to him and when he said that what will he wear, he said that he has an allergy to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
socks
. He has no right to harm such a great personality.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
He
again looked towards the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bottle
and in the
next
moment, he throws it.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
He
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wants
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
; he
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wants
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
for his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
father
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
he
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
him
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
. Yes, he did
badly
in this exam
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in the
next
exam, he will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
father
proud of him. This is the beginning of his new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
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IELTS essay Write a story entitled, 'The Beginning'.

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
438 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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