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Write a short paragraph about your family

Write a short paragraph about your family 0l5RG
I come from a normal family. I live with my parents and my younger brother. It seems to me that the person I admire the most in my family is my mother. She is a caring woman and generally a great mom. My mother’s main job is a civil servant. She works from 7a. m to 5p. m. Although she is usually busy with her work, she still takes good care of us. Her delicious breakfast is a small joy for the rest of my family to start a wonderful day. Meanwhile, my father is the breadwinner of my family so he always works long hours every day. As a father, he doesn’t offer loving words or lots of childcare, he’s a bit cold and very busy but he gives out some life lessons to me and my younger brother in order to make sure that we will always get the best opportunity to learn and to grow up to be a better person. And about my younger brother and me, we are students. I am 8-year-old elder than my younger brother. After school, we sometimes help our mother with the household chores, we feel happy when we do it. Family where life begins and love never ends plays an important role in our life so I think I am very lucky because I was born and raised in my family where we all love, respect one another and get along well.
I
come
from a normal
family
. I
live
with my parents and my
younger
brother
. It seems to me that the person I admire the most in my
family
is my mother. She is a caring woman and
generally
a great mom. My mother’s main job is a civil servant. She works from 7a.
m
to 5p. m. Although she is
usually
busy with her work, she
still
takes
good
care of us. Her delicious breakfast is a
small
joy for the rest of my
family
to
start
a wonderful day. Meanwhile, my father is the breadwinner of my
family
so
he always works long hours every day. As a father, he doesn’t offer loving words or lots of childcare, he’s a bit
cold
and
very
busy
but
he gives out
some
life lessons to me and my
younger
brother
in order to
make
sure that we will always
get
the best opportunity to learn and to grow up to be a better person. And about my
younger
brother
and me, we are students. I am 8-year-
old
elder than my
younger
brother
. After school, we
sometimes
help
our mother with the household chores, we feel happy when we do it.
Family
where life
begins
and
love
never ends plays an
important
role in our life
so
I
think
I am
very
lucky
because
I
was born
and raised in my
family
where we all
love
, respect one another and
get
along well.
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IELTS essay Write a short paragraph about your family

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
242 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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