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write a person you would like to become

write a person you would like to become keWwN
everyone has their own goals in life. One of them can be a dream of becoming someone they want in the future. First of all I want to become a person who is good at English. English is the most popular language in the world so it is important for us to learn. If I am proficient at English, I can communicate with foreigners in natural way. Not only that, using English well as our mother language also opens a horizon of umpteenth oppurtunities for us to get a good job, a better life. So I set many goals for myself. I spend my free time to sturdy English not only in class but also at home or in usual activities in life. In my view, the Internet is one of a perfect place for to practice English effectively. Secondly, I want to become an individual being able to take care of everyone who is important to me such as family, friends, . . . It is apparent that they are an indispensable part in our life. Family made so many sacrifices so that I could grow up, go to school, gain knowledge everthing about the world and friends are those who always prepare to help me willingly, give me encouragements, motivations to overcome all difficulties I have in life. Therefore, I think I have a little responsibilities to support them enthusiastically whenever they need.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
everyone
has their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
goals in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. One of them can be a dream of becoming someone they want in the future.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
I want to become a person who is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
at English. English is the most popular language in the world
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for us to learn. If I am proficient at English, I can communicate with foreigners in natural way. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
that, using English well as our mother language
also
opens a horizon of umpteenth
Possible spelling mistake found.
oppurtunities
for us to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
job, a better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
I set
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
goals for myself. I spend my free time to sturdy English not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
at home or in usual activities in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. In my view, the Internet is one of a perfect place for to practice English
effectively
.
Secondly
, I want to become an individual being able to take care of everyone who is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to me such as family, friends
Did you just mean "," or "."?
, .
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
It is apparent that they are an indispensable part in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. Family made
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
sacrifices
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that I could grow up, go to school, gain knowledge
Possible spelling mistake found.
everthing
about the world and friends are those who always prepare to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
me
willingly
, give me encouragements, motivations to overcome all difficulties I have in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
Therefore
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
I have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "responsibility"?
responsibilities
to support them
enthusiastically
whenever they need.
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IELTS essay write a person you would like to become

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
235 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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