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write a passage on how you have earned, spent and saved money

write a passage on how you have earned, spent and saved money kxPOO
Money is not everything but it is something very valuable and extremely necessary for the existence of each individual. In such a costly and competitive society and the world, no one of us can live without money. Therefore, we need to have a smart and sustainable way of making money. I am currently married and have a baby girl. I live with my family so I don't need to pay rent. family living expenses fall between two million and two and a half million. I work as a teaching assistant for an English center, so I have a relatively stable salary. Due to the pandemic situation, I plan to earn extra income by selling online or translating. Because if we want to have a stable income, we should have many sources of income, not just rely on one. But besides that, each of us needs to have a wise way to save money for a lot of reasons. Firstly, it is for emergency expenses such as money for medical treatment, money incurred in daily life. Secondly, saving money is in order to save big money like buying a house and buying a car to avoid debt or struggling to cut other family needs. Or save money so that I can invest in myself like improving my knowledge by signing up for an English course or cooking course etc.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Money
is not everything
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is something
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
valuable and
extremely
necessary for the existence of each individual. In such a costly and competitive society and the world, no one of us can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
Therefore
, we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to have a smart and sustainable way of making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. I am
currently
married and have a baby girl. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
with my family
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
I don't
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to pay rent.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
family
living expenses fall between two million and two and a half million. I work as a teaching assistant for an English center,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
I have a
relatively
stable salary. Due to the pandemic situation, I plan to earn extra income by selling online or translating.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
if we want to have a stable income, we should have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
sources of income, not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
rely on one.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
besides
that, each of us
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
to have a wise way to save
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
reasons.
Firstly
, it is for emergency expenses such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for medical treatment,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
incurred in daily life.
Secondly
, saving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is in order to save
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
like buying a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
and buying a car to avoid debt or struggling to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
other family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
. Or save
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that I can invest in myself like improving my knowledge by signing up for an English course or cooking course etc.
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IELTS essay write a passage on how you have earned, spent and saved money

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
228 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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