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Write a paragraph to introduce a game

Write a paragraph to introduce a game mXOwr

I remember when I was child my parents brought us the Atari. It was a home video game console released in 1977 by the North American game manufacture Atari, Inc. It developed in 80s. The Atari had two joystick controllers and Its games stored on changeable ROM cartridges. Me and my sisters and brother played Atari with our heart. We loved Atari game that called “amood parvaz”. In the game, the two players control air planes, which they fly from the bottom of the screen to the top. Along the way are enemies which the players must avoid and must refuel. If the air planes hit by rocks or enemies, they disappear. The player with the higher score was winner. The time per round was about 2 or 3 minutes. We must be fast and careful. The games were very interesting and enjoyable for us. My family and I played Atari all the summers and we had fun. I missed my childhood.

I remember when I was child my parents brought us the Atari.

It was a home video game console released in 1977 by the North American game manufacture Atari, Inc. It developed in 80s.

The Atari had two joystick controllers and Its You use this word too often, consider replacing it withplaysportbusiness
games
 stored on changeable ROM cartridges.

Me and my sisters and brother played Atari with our heart. We This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :admiredadored
loved
 Atari game that called “Possible spelling mistake found.mooda mood
amood
Possible spelling mistake found.larvaeHarveylarvalarvalGarveypariah
parvaz
”. In the game, the two players control air This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:aircrafts
planes
, which they fly
 from the bottom of the screen to the top. Along the way are enemies which the players This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :require
must
 avoid and This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :require
must
 refuel. If the air This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:aircrafts
planes
 hit by rocks or enemies, they disappear. The player with the higher score was winner. The time per round was about 2 or 3 minutes. We This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :require
must
 be This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:quickrapidswiftprompt
fast
 and careful.

The You use this word too often, consider replacing it withplaysportbusiness
games
 were This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:extremelyimmenselysupremelysuperb
very
 interesting and enjoyable for us. My family and I played Atari all the Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).summers, and
summers and
 we had fun. I missed my childhood. 

IELTS essay Write a paragraph to introduce a game

Essay

American English

5 paragraphs

162 words

This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1

4.0

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
?
One main idea per paragraph
Include an introduction and conclusion
Support main points with an explanation and then an example
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Vary your linking phrases using synonyms

Lexical Resource: 5.5

Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
Check your writing for errors

Task Achievement: 5.0

Answer all parts of the question
?
Present relevant ideas
Fully explain these ideas
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

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