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Obesity in children is a social issue. What are the causes and effect of the problem, and what are the solutions?

Obesity in children is a social issue. What are the causes and effect of the problem, and what are the solutions? AJ5Kn
The growing number of obesity in children is concerning due to numerous negative health implications. This essay will discuss about some of the main causes of childhood obesity and potential solutions to prevent it. One of the many causes of obesity in young age is increased consumption of unhealthy food. The increased prevalence of fast food in the market makes it easy for young children to access and consume unhealthy food. Similarly, the pervasive advertisement of these unhealthy foods at school and in public also tempt children to consume these food that are not nutritious. Moreover, children in these days are exposed to electric gadgets as early as toddlers. This early exposure and addiction to usage of electric gadgets have diverted children’s attention to engage in physical exercise. The increased physical inactivity combined with unhealthy diet has contributed to the current issue with childhood obesity. The implications to health is noted in many scientific literature. These include increased risk of cardiovascular disease and diabetes. To prevent and eliminate the current issue, it is important to tackle many issues related to the obesity. Firstly, there needs to be more of health education regarding healthy diet and the danger of fast food or unhealthy food in general. Children and young people in general are not fully aware of the negative impacts of unhealthy food consumption in the long run. Similarly, children need to be encouraged to engage in more outdoor activity away from electronic gadgets. The more children realise the pleasure of engaging in outdoor activity, the more they will become healthy through physical exercise. In addition to this, parents are needed to be taught and reminded to delay the first exposure to electronic gadgets to their children. This would enable children to find hobbies or interest that can limit their dependency on electronic gadgets when they begin to utilise it down the road. In conclusion, unhealthy diet and physical inactivity are two of the main causes of childhood obesity. The proposed solutions to this issue include a provision of health education on health diet and encouragement in outdoor activity.
The growing number of obesity in
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children
The verb 'concerning' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
is concerning
due to numerous
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negative
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health
implications. This essay will discuss about
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some
of the main causes of childhood obesity and potential solutions to
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prevent
it.

One of the
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many
causes of obesity in young age is
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increased
consumption of
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unhealthy
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food
. The
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increased
prevalence of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
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food
in the market
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it easy for young
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children
to access and consume
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unhealthy
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food
.
Similarly
, the pervasive
The usual collocation for "advertisement" is "for" not "of". Did you mean "advertisement for"?
advertisement of
these
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unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
at school and in public
also
tempt
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children
to consume these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
that are not nutritious.
Moreover
,
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children
in these days
are exposed
to electric
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gadgets
as early as toddlers. This early exposure and addiction to usage of electric
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gadgets
have diverted
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children’s
attention to engage in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
exercise. The
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increased
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
inactivity combined with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unhealthy
diet has contributed to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
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issue
with childhood obesity. The implications to
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health
is noted
in
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many scientific literature
. These include
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increased
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risk
of cardiovascular disease and diabetes.

To
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prevent
and eliminate the
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current
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issue
, it is
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important
to tackle
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many
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issues
related to the obesity.
Firstly
, there needs to be more of
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health
education regarding healthy diet and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
of
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fast
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food
or
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unhealthy
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food
in general
.
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Children
and young
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people
in general
are not
fully
aware of the
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negative
impacts of
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unhealthy
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food
consumption in the long run.
Similarly
,
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children
need to
be encouraged
to engage in more outdoor activity away from electronic
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gadgets
. The more
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children
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realise
the pleasure of engaging in outdoor activity, the more they will become healthy through
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physical
exercise.
In addition
to this, parents
are needed
to
be taught
and reminded to delay the
first
exposure to electronic
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gadgets
to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. This would enable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to find hobbies or interest that can limit their dependency on electronic
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gadgets
when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
to
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilise' is British English.
utilise
it down the road.

In conclusion
,
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unhealthy
diet and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
inactivity are two of the main causes of childhood obesity. The proposed solutions to this
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issue
include a provision of
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health
education on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
diet and encouragement in outdoor activity.
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IELTS essay Obesity in children is a social issue. What are the causes and effect of the problem, and what are the solutions?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
348 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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