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write a paragraph of about 150 words about your dreams

write a paragraph of about 150 words about your dreams RVoE8
The world is changing day by day but my dream will never change. I want to be a bussiness woman. Some people think if women become a business, they will exhaust. But I strongly believe that everyone can allow what ever they want. To become a bussiness in the future, I always try to study knowledge such as Maths, Literature and English. Beside that, I learn from my parent how to behave with everyone in work. My mother always support my dream that make me very happy. There are some reasons that I want to be a bussiness woman. Firstly, I will study a lot of experience from our life. For instance, when I meet customer, I can get knowledge from them. Secondly, I want to be a rich woman to buy everything my parents like, I think my parents will proud of me when I successful. Finally, when I become a bussiness, beside go to work I will go volunteer for disadvantaged people. It is really meaningful in my life. In conclusion, I think I will get my dream if I work as hard as I am now.
The world is changing day by day
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
my dream will never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
. I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to be a
Possible spelling mistake found.
bussiness
woman.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
if women become a business, they will exhaust.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
I
strongly
believe that everyone can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
what ever they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
. To become a
Possible spelling mistake found.
bussiness
in the future, I always try to study knowledge such as
Possible spelling mistake. 'Maths' is British English.
Maths
, Literature and English. Beside that, I learn from my parent how to behave with everyone in work. My mother always support my dream that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
me
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
happy. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons that I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to be a
Possible spelling mistake found.
bussiness
woman.
Firstly
, I will study
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
experience from our life.
For instance
, when I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
customer, I can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
knowledge from them.
Secondly
, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to be a rich woman to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
everything my parents like, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
my parents will proud of me when I successful.
Finally
, when I become a
Possible spelling mistake found.
bussiness
, beside go to work I will go volunteer for disadvantaged
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. It is
really
meaningful in my life.
In conclusion
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
my dream if I work as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
as I am
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
.

IELTS essay write a paragraph of about 150 words about your dreams

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
189 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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