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Some people think that if a country already rich, any addition in economic wealth does not make its people heppier. Do you agree or disagree

Some people think that if a country already rich, any addition in economic wealth does not make its people heppier. gbjBO
It is suggested that population of the countries at which already experienced obvious developments do not feel happiness from financial gain. I'm partly agreed with this point of view. The people who live in cosmopolitan cities can ignore wealth development due to the fact that they have great quality of living condition. As a matter of fact that the conveniences ascertain to continue to live perfectly. For instance, in the event that citizenship of the urban cities can use most beneficial and special things such as better treatment, high quality education system and others, they have potential to never feel needs for economically improvements. In addition, the people have been earning more money comparing to people in which live in the countrysides, suburbs and others, although there are difficult competition for moving into workplace. However, every single economic achievements contributes to make people happy even the people live in the rich city because people have inherent behavior to love more money namely people are a keen wealthy liker. This is because, during their lifetime, all people consider about having more luxury occupation, organize more travel around the world. On top of that, in the urban cities, people have to spend too much money due to high price of living condition. Moreover, the citizenship have more basic needs, and they prefer to use more expensive products. Therefore, this is clearly demonstrated that the gain can help people to feel fulfillment. In conclusion, some people of the opinion that population of a city do not want to be more rich from their case. But people will experience not only compatibility, but also enjoyment when they have sown financially productivity.
It
is suggested
that population of the countries at which already experienced obvious developments do not feel happiness from financial gain. I'm partly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agreed
with this point of view.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in cosmopolitan
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
wealth development due to the fact that they have great quality of living condition.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
a matter of fact that the conveniences ascertain to continue to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
perfectly
.
For instance
, in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
that citizenship of the urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
most beneficial and special things such as better treatment, high quality education system
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
, they have potential to never feel needs for
economically
improvements.
In addition
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have been earning more money comparing to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in the countrysides, suburbs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
, although there are difficult competition for moving into workplace.

However
, every single economic achievements contributes to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
happy even the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in the rich city
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have inherent behavior to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
more money
namely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are a keen wealthy liker. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, during their lifetime, all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
Did you mean simply "consider having"? You do not need the word "about" here.
consider about having
more luxury occupation, organize more travel around the world.
On top of that
, in the urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
spend too much money due to high price of living condition.
Moreover
, the citizenship have more basic needs, and they prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
more expensive products.

Therefore
, this is
clearly
demonstrated that the gain can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to feel fulfillment.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of the opinion that population of a city do not want to be more rich from their case.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will experience not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
compatibility,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
enjoyment when they have sown
financially
productivity.
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IELTS essay Some people think that if a country already rich, any addition in economic wealth does not make its people heppier.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
277 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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