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how do affect technology behavior of people

how do affect technology behavior of people AgV7X
Nowadays technology is being developed without stopping. In addition to this, people watch to phone and TV programs. These programs affect different and this influence behavior of them. First of all, I would like to talk about children. Behaviors of them start developing after they were born. That is why parents should pay attention to conduct with them because children continue to learn every day. Some parents do not pay attention what children of them watch things even this influence to parents. Children must prefer only to cartoons because editor always is heed conduct of character. Children can learn foreign language with through cartoons. It is more useful for children. In second place, as for me children must watch to TV only during definitely time because main is sleeping time. There is special bedtime for children. Parents must follow these bedtimes. If they are not heed to these then TV will influence conduct of them. In addition to this, nowadays computers influence worst. Some parent give phone to children for soothing. I always criticize so mother and father. Children must growth both education and cartoons. I must acknowledge that, we do not flummox children a lot. They have to growth free because they are our future In conclusion, care, love and respect should be made to children. Parents must try that make together all of these. As for me, this is method more perfect
Nowadays technology is
being developed
without stopping.
In addition
to this,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
to phone and TV programs. These programs affect
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
and this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
influence
behavior of them.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, I would like to talk about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Behaviors of them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
developing after they
were born
.
That is
why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should pay attention to conduct with them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
continue to learn every day.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
do not pay attention what
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
of them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
things even this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
influence
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
prefer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to cartoons
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
editor always
is heed
conduct of character.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
can learn foreign language with through cartoons. It is more useful for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. In second place, as for me
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
to TV
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
during definitely time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
main is sleeping time. There is special bedtime for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
follow these bedtimes. If they are not heed to these then TV will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
influence
conduct of them.
In addition
to this, nowadays computers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
influence
worst.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
Did you mean "parents"?
parent
give phone to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
for soothing. I always criticize
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
mother and father.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
The word 'growth' is a noun or an adjective. A verb is missing or misspelled, or maybe a comma is missing.
must growth
both education and cartoons.

I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
acknowledge that, we do not flummox
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
a lot. They
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
growth free
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are our
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
future


In conclusion
, care,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
and respect should
be made
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
try that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
together all of these. As for me, this is method more
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
perfect
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IELTS essay how do affect technology behavior of people

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
233 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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