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Write a paragraph about the advantages of play e-sports

Write a paragraph about the advantages of play e-sports xxwQb
In this modern world, the development of the e-sports industry has been rising so dramatically, and playing esports bring numerous advantages to the players. But first, to clarify esports is distinguished from ordinary gameplay because of its tactics, multi-players, cooperation between players as well as communication, and also its professionalism. So based on these factors, playing esports has a huge positive impact on players. The preliminary advantages of playing esports are players’ intellectual ability and thinking improvement as well as their communication enhancement. To be more specific, If someone wants to be a player that is qualified to participate in professional tournaments, they need to train a lot of aspects: their game skills, their professionalism in working and cooperation, . . . By that, there will be a big improvement in many aspects of an es-port player so as to fulfill their’s dream. On the other hand, esports also create various sorts of jobs and bring more job opportunities to the society. A good illustration is that in some Asia countries like China, Korea, America, Taiwan, VietNam, … where the esports industry is so developed, gamers are now recognized as a job. There are esports companies that create and also manage players in one team, give them a chance to enhance their gameplay skills, cooperation between members in an e-sport team as well as train their professionalism, communication skills and make media for players’ names. So that, it will create a new community where people can do business on games. Moreover, gamers also can shift career direction to others jobs like Streamer, Youtuber, esports manager, esports trainer, members in esports tournaments: staff, organizer, … when their’s game career ends up. Therefore, gamers can receive a lot of chances, privileges from playing esports. Last but not least, now esports is recognized as a new type of sport all over the world. So if an esports industry of a country is flourished, It also means that this country is also developed on many sides: economic, human, society, education, … In conclusion, esports yield numerous benefits for players which enable them now to surely pursuit dream and have better careers as long as a society need to have the right views about the esports community.
In this modern world, the development of the e-sports industry has been rising
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
dramatically
, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
Possible spelling mistake found.
esports
bring numerous advantages to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
first
, to clarify
Possible spelling mistake found.
esports
is distinguished
from ordinary gameplay
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of its tactics, multi-players, cooperation between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
as well
as communication, and
also
its professionalism.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
based on these factors,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
Possible spelling mistake found.
esports
has a huge
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
. The preliminary advantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
Possible spelling mistake found.
esports
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players’
intellectual ability and thinking improvement
as well
as their communication enhancement. To be more specific, If someone wants to be a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
player
that
is qualified
to participate in professional tournaments, they need to train
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
aspects: their game
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, their professionalism in working and cooperation
Did you just mean "," or "."?
, .
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
By that, there will be a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
improvement in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
aspects of an es-port
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
player
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
fulfill
Did you mean "their" or "theirs"?
their’s
dream.
On the other hand
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
esports
also
create various sorts of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
and bring more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
opportunities to the society. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
illustration is that in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Asia countries like China, Korea, America, Taiwan,
Possible spelling mistake found.
VietNam
, … where the
Possible spelling mistake found.
esports
industry is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
developed, gamers are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
recognized as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. There are
Possible spelling mistake found.
esports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
that create and
also
manage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
in one team, give them a chance to enhance their gameplay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, cooperation between members in an e-sport team
as well
as train their professionalism, communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
media for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players’
names.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
that, it will create a new community where
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can do business on games.
Moreover
, gamers
also
can shift career direction to others
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
like Streamer,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Youtuber
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
esports
manager,
Possible spelling mistake found.
esports
trainer, members in
Possible spelling mistake found.
esports
tournaments: staff, organizer, … when
Did you mean "their" or "theirs"?
their’s
game career ends up.
Therefore
, gamers can receive
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
chances, privileges from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
Possible spelling mistake found.
esports
. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
Possible spelling mistake found.
esports
is recognized
as a new type of sport all over the world.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
if an
Possible spelling mistake found.
esports
industry of a country
is flourished
, It
also
means that this country is
also
developed on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
sides: economic, human, society, education, …
In conclusion
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
esports
yield numerous benefits for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
which enable them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
to
surely
pursuit dream and have better careers as long as a society need to have the right views about the
Possible spelling mistake found.
esports
community.
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IELTS essay Write a paragraph about the advantages of play e-sports

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
372 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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