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SUGGEST AN ADVANCED SOFTWARE FOR BANKING TO YOUR MANAGER

SUGGEST AN ADVANCED SOFTWARE FOR BANKING TO YOUR MANAGER N3JK2
I WRITE TO EXPRESS MY EXCITEMENT ABOUT AN IDEA THAT COULD REVOLUTIONALISE THE BANKING SYSTEM. IT IS A SOFTWARE THAT FUNCTIONS AROUND THE CONCEPT OF FILE MANAGEMENT SYSTEM, AND IS EFFICIENT ENOUGH TO TACKLE THE WORKLOAD OF MILLIONS OF CUSTOMERS IN A SECURE MANNER. I WRITE TO CHECK IF YOU WOULD HAVE THE TIME TO ANALYSE THIS SOFTWARE, AND OFFER ME YOUR FEEDBACK. THIS APPLICATION, AG2. 0, WORKS ON ALL DESKTOP OPERATING SOFTWARE INCLUDING MOBILE OPERATING SYSTEMS SUCH AS ANDROID AND IOS. IT IS EASY TO INSTALL, AND USES A MISERLY 0. 4 MB RAM SPACE TO RUN FOR A DATABSE OF OVER A MILLION CUSTOMERS. THE APPLICATION IS USER FRIENDLY, AND ANYONE CAN BE TRAINED TO USE IT IN LESS THAN A DAY. IT CAN BE RUN AT EXTREMELY LOW BANDWIDTH, AND WILL ADVANTAGE BANKS IN THE RURAL SECTORS AS WELL. IN THIS TIME OF THE PANDEMIC, ESPECIALLY, WHEN ONE MAY HAVE TO WORK FROM HOME, THE APPLICATION COMES AS A BLESSING IN DISGUISE. I TRUST THE DETAILS I HAVE SHARED HAVE BEEN OF ASSISTANCE TO YOU. IT WOULD HELP A LOT IF YOU COULD ANALYSE THE APPLICATION AND LET ME KNOW HOW I CAN MAKE IT EVEN BETTER. I SHALL BE GRATEFUL TO YOU FOR A QUICK ACTION ON THIS REQUEST, AND I LOOK FORWARD TO HEARING FROM YOU SOON.
I WRITE TO EXPRESS MY EXCITEMENT ABOUT AN
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
IDEA
THAT COULD
Possible spelling mistake found.
REVOLUTIONALISE
THE BANKING SYSTEM. IT IS A SOFTWARE THAT FUNCTIONS AROUND THE CONCEPT OF FILE MANAGEMENT SYSTEM, AND IS EFFICIENT
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
ENOUGH
TO TACKLE THE WORKLOAD OF MILLIONS OF CUSTOMERS IN A SECURE MANNER. I WRITE TO
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
CHECK
IF YOU WOULD HAVE THE TIME TO
Possible spelling mistake. 'ANALYSE' is British English.
ANALYSE
THIS SOFTWARE, AND OFFER ME YOUR FEEDBACK.

THIS
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
APPLICATION
, AG2. 0, WORKS ON ALL DESKTOP OPERATING SOFTWARE INCLUDING MOBILE OPERATING SYSTEMS SUCH AS ANDROID AND IOS. IT IS EASY TO INSTALL, AND
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
USES
A
MISERLY
0. 4 MB RAM SPACE TO RUN FOR A
Possible spelling mistake found.
DATABSE
OF OVER A MILLION CUSTOMERS. THE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
APPLICATION
IS USER FRIENDLY, AND ANYONE CAN
BE TRAINED
TO
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
USE
IT IN LESS THAN A DAY. IT CAN
BE RUN
AT
EXTREMELY
LOW BANDWIDTH, AND WILL ADVANTAGE BANKS IN THE RURAL SECTORS
AS WELL
. IN THIS TIME OF THE PANDEMIC,
ESPECIALLY
, WHEN ONE MAY
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
HAVE TO
WORK FROM HOME, THE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
APPLICATION
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
COMES
AS A BLESSING IN DISGUISE.

I TRUST THE
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
DETAILS
I HAVE SHARED HAVE BEEN OF ASSISTANCE TO YOU. IT WOULD
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
HELP
A LOT IF YOU COULD
Possible spelling mistake. 'ANALYSE' is British English.
ANALYSE
THE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
APPLICATION
AND
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
LET
ME KNOW HOW I CAN
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
MAKE
IT EVEN BETTER. I SHALL BE GRATEFUL TO YOU FOR A QUICK ACTION ON THIS REQUEST, AND I LOOK FORWARD TO HEARING FROM YOU
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
SOON
.
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IELTS essay SUGGEST AN ADVANCED SOFTWARE FOR BANKING TO YOUR MANAGER

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
222 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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