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Write a paragraph about a volunteer activity you have took part in or known

Write a paragraph about a volunteer activity you have took part in or known G3yNL
Being a student, I learned many things, gained many things - things that I had never experienced before as a student, especially volunteering. That time I volunteered in a remote area to help poor children and people. At first, I was a bit surprised because this was also my first time volunteering, I saw a lot of dark-skinned children, without sandals, thin and pitiful. In the morning, we give some gifts to the children, help people with small jobs such as planting rice, repairing roads, carrying water to carry grass for the elderly, or sitting down to listen to people's stories. , . . even though it's just small actions, but from those feelings, I like to grow up a lot by witnessing and understanding the lives of people who still have many difficulties and misfortunes. Perhaps, for people like us, such small things are insignificant, but for people in remote areas who lack food and clothing, such things are extremely precious. In the afternoon, we teach children free of charge, because the conditions here are difficult, so many children cannot go to school. When those children were studying, they showed great interest, listened attentively to the lectures, and enthusiastically followed what we explained, which was not the same as my boring school attitude before in the lecture hall. I go to school every day with a tired figure. After a few days of volunteering, although it was a bit busy, I began to realize that I have more things to learn, there are many things I want to discover because when participating in volunteering I feel like I Discovering myself, I seem to be gradually realizing my life purpose since then.
Being a student, I learned
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things, gained
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
things that I had never experienced
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
as a student,
especially
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
volunteering
. That time I volunteered in a remote area to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. At
first
, I was a bit surprised
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this was
also
my
first
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
volunteering
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
dark-skinned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, without sandals, thin and pitiful. In the morning, we give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
gifts to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
jobs such as planting rice, repairing roads, carrying water to carry grass for the elderly, or sitting down to listen to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's stories.
Did you just mean "," or "."?
, .
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
even
though it's
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
actions,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
from those feelings, I like to grow up a lot by witnessing and understanding the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
still
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
difficulties and misfortunes. Perhaps, for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like us, such
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
things are insignificant,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in remote areas who lack food and clothing, such things are
extremely
precious. In the afternoon, we teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
free of charge,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the conditions here are difficult,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
cannot go to school. When those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
were studying, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
great interest, listened
attentively
to the lectures, and
enthusiastically
followed what we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
, which was not the same as my boring school attitude
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
in the lecture hall. I go to school every day with a tired figure. After a few days of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
volunteering
, although it was a bit busy, I began to realize that I have more things to learn, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things I want to discover
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
when participating in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
volunteering
I feel like
Did you mean "I'm Discovering", "I am Discovering", or "I was Discovering"?
I Discovering
myself, I seem to be
gradually
realizing my life purpose since then.
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IELTS essay Write a paragraph about a volunteer activity you have took part in or known

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
282 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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