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Write a paragraph (180-200 words). Recently, many stds have participated in extracurricular activities. What benefits do they get from this? Give reasons for your answer and include relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Write a paragraph (180-200 words). Recently, many stds have participated in extracurricular activities. What benefits do they get from this? QM0ay
Education is not just going to school and getting a degree. It’s about widening your knowledge and absorbing the truth about life. Clearly, school is responsible for providing students not only academic knowledge but also experience. Hence, it is necessary to encourage students to take part in extracurricular activities. Firstly, subjects are typically an acquired flair while each student has his own talent. Participating in extracurricular gives children an opportunity to explore their interests and potentials which has an intense influence on their major in the future. Moreover, students may obtain many vital life skills through those activities. For example, sports are crucial to developing teamwork, leadership and problem-solving skills, etc. Secondly, it is extension activities that boost school performance. Indeed, students may put what they learned into practice thanks to those activities and even remember that knowledge better in a comfortable way. Besides, pupils may take advantage of extension activities with a view to relaxing which fosters their brain function. Last but not least, extracurriculars are also a great benefit to a student’s resume when applying for a university or a job. According to your resume, combined with your grades, it is such activities that show who you are and decide whether you are relevant or not. In conclusion, so many benefits may learners get from extracurricular activities that schools had better consider them as essential as academic subjects.
Education is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
going to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and getting a degree. It’s about widening your knowledge and absorbing the truth about life.
Clearly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
is responsible for providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
academic knowledge
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
experience.
Hence
, it is necessary to encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extracurricular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
.
Firstly
, subjects are
typically
an acquired flair while each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
has his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
talent. Participating in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extracurricular
gives children an opportunity to explore their interests and potentials which has an intense influence on their major in the future.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
may obtain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
vital life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
through those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
.
For example
, sports are crucial to developing teamwork, leadership and problem-solving
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, etc.
Secondly
, it is extension
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
that boost
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
performance.
Indeed
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
may put what they learned into practice thanks to those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
and even remember that knowledge better
Consider replacing "in a comfortable way" with the adverb for "comfortable"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a comfortable way
.
Besides
, pupils may take advantage of extension
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
with a view to relaxing which fosters their brain function. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least,
Possible spelling mistake found.
extracurriculars
are
also
a great benefit to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student’s
resume when
You can apply for a job or welfare, but you apply to a university. Revise: "applying to a university".
applying for a university
or a job. According to your resume, combined with your grades, it is such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
who you are and decide whether you are relevant or not.
In conclusion
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits may learners
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extracurricular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
had better consider them as essential as academic subjects.
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IELTS essay Write a paragraph (180-200 words). Recently, many stds have participated in extracurricular activities. What benefits do they get from this?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
230 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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  • Write a paragraph (180-200 words). Recently, many stds have participated in extracurricular activities. What benefits do they get from this? Give reasons for your answer and include relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.