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some think that governments should support retired people financially , while others believe

some think that governments should support retired people financially, while others believe 6pO3K
Many people believe that the government should advise older people financially, whereas some people think they should look after themselves. In my opinion, I think the government should provide for them in desperate need but not all elderly people. On the one hand, seniors need to earn a living by buying items such as ( clothes, another ) to live day by day if they don't have relatives or a family to take care of them or large savings funds. Take the UNITED STATES, for example; the majority of the homeless population is older adults, On the other hand, many feels think they should be encouraged to plan for their retirement and then reflect on investment and save money to the bank. For example, the average worker should make enough money to buy food, rent a house and the last one is entertaining and save the other for the following years. However, they can't save money because the government would give them money every month, but seniors are making the government numerous of strain and taxpayers. but they don't have anyone to look after them when they are old. Therefore, they need to find a slight job with low-paying to live for the rest of their life, so this places a burden on society or on the healthcare system. In conclusion, so more senior people really need government and volunteers to help them financially, but most should be encouraged to plan for their retirement. Government should find a way to balance being kind with encouraging good habits to the citizen.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should advise older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
financially
, whereas
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
they should look after themselves. In my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should provide for them in desperate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not all elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. On the one hand, seniors
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to earn a living by buying items such as
Don't put a space after the opening parenthesis
(
clothes, another
Don't put a space before the closing parenthesis
)
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
day by day if they don't have relatives or a family to take care of them or large savings funds. Take the
The proper noun "United STATES" needs to be capitalized.
UNITED STATES
,
for example
; the majority of the homeless population is older adults,
On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
feels
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
they should
be encouraged
to plan for their retirement and then reflect on investment and save
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to the bank.
For example
, the average worker should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
food, rent a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
and the last one is entertaining and save the other for the following years.
However
, they can't save
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
would give them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
every month,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
seniors are making the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
numerous of strain and taxpayers.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they don't have anyone to look after them when they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
.
Therefore
, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to find a slight job with low-paying to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
for the rest of their life,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
this places a burden on society or on the healthcare system.
In conclusion
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
more senior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
really
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
and volunteers to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them
financially
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
most should
be encouraged
to plan for their retirement.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
should find a way to balance being kind with encouraging
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
habits to the citizen.
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IELTS essay some think that governments should support retired people financially, while others believe

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
260 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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