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Write a essay(about 200– 250 words) on the following topic:"Music is considered an indispensable part in a teenager's life nowadays" Do you agree?

Write a essay(about 200– 250 words) on the following topic: "Music is considered an indispensable part in a teenager's life nowadays" Do you agree? yXnQM
Music is playing a vital role in teenagers' lives. As a teenager, I subscribe to this statement. Firstly, music helps us to relieve tension. Because teenagers have to study and compete with each other, it makes teenagers feel stressed. Music is like a medicine to heal the pain of teenagers when there is nobody by their side to console them. Secondly, music inspired us. When you feel desperate and you think that there is no hope for your future, sometimes music is the one which reminds us who we are and inspires us. Music helps us to find motivation in our life. Through the beat, lyrics, we can be inspired by some songs, some singers, we understand more about the world and create our motivation. On the other hand, some people said that music makes us distracted and without it, teenagers will pay more attention to study much more. However, music is said to be a good option to learn new things quickly. In school, we have to remember the poems that we have learned. Some poems have been transported to music. Teenagers can listen to music to easily remember the poems. It is a much more enjoyable way to study. To sum up, music is playing a vital role in a teenager's life. It helps teenagers to learn easily, inspires them, and reduces stress.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
is playing a vital role in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
'
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. As a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenager
, I subscribe to this statement.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
us to relieve tension.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
study and compete with each other, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
feel
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
is like a medicine to heal the pain of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
when there is nobody by their side to console them.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
inspired us. When you feel desperate and you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that there is no hope for your future,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is the one which reminds us who we are and inspires us.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
In informal texts, 'to' is not necessary. Do you mean "helps us find"?
helps us to find
motivation in our life. Through the beat, lyrics, we can
be inspired
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
songs,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
singers, we understand more about the world and create our motivation.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
said that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
us distracted and without it,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
will pay more attention to study much more.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is said
to be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
option to learn new things
quickly
. In school, we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
remember the poems that we have learned.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
poems have
been transported
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Teenagers
can listen to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
to
easily
remember the poems. It is a much more enjoyable way to study.

To sum up,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is playing a vital role in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
's life. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
to learn
easily
, inspires them, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.
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IELTS essay Write a essay(about 200– 250 words) on the following topic: "Music is considered an indispensable part in a teenager's life nowadays" Do you agree?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
225 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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