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in many countries the proportion of older people steadily increasing is it positive or negative

in many countries the proportion of older people steadily increasing is it positive or negative QLdY9
In many parts of the world older generation is increasing day by day. For some this situation has many advantages. But I believe that it has more negative aspects. In this essay I will explain my arguments. To begin with, if in society there are many seniors thinking way of people may not be develop, to be more precise they, prefer their own opinion, because of their stubborn character. In addition, it is harmful not only for society, bu t also it may cause some obstacles for finance of government, as authority should create conditions for them in terms of workplaces, Healthcare system and
In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
parts of the world older generation is increasing day by day. For
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
this situation has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
I believe that it has more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
aspects. In this essay I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
my arguments. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, if in society there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
seniors thinking way of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
may not be
Consider using a past participle here: "developed".
develop
, to be more precise they, prefer their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
opinion,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their stubborn character.
In addition
, it is harmful not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for society,
Make sure that 'bu' is an abbreviation (bureau, bushel). Did you mean "by", "but", "bug", or "bus"?
bu
t
also
it may cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
obstacles for finance of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
, as authority should create conditions for them in terms of workplaces, Healthcare system
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
and
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IELTS essay in many countries the proportion of older people steadily increasing is it positive or negative

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
103 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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