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Write a description essay about a famous person that you would like to meet

Write a description essay about a famous person that you would like to meet jRpny
Who is Hassan Slayman? Hassan Slayman is a comic gamer that stocks humorous videos on YouTube. Before being a gamer Hassan was a poor man that didn't continue his education and he didn't discover a manner to earn money better than being a gamer. Hassan is a small man that is 22 years old. His top is greater than 170 cm, and he weights 80 kg. He has black pores, skin and blonde hair with brown eyes that shine like sunrise. In addition,  he typically wears  black ti-blouse in his videos due to the fact that black is his favorite color. Moreover, he commenced carrying glasses at 10 because of weak spot of view, however in recent times he’s now no longer carrying it anymore as he thinks he seems beautiful without it. In addition, Hassan is a person that has robust personality, sharp intelligence, and excessive ability. He makes use of an easy and exciting fashion that make the target followers  watch all his videos until the end. His fans wait impatiently for his videos because he enters joy into their hearts. Moreover, he's a philanthropist and character who made a platform for the charity, such as constructing a mosque, and he donated the majority of the development costs. As properly, he's sympathetic with poor humans as he builds a well for them to quench their thirst. After a majority of these notable deeds, how I cant  be tormented by someone like Hassan, in phrases of his generosity, or in phrases of his pranks and jokes that permit absolutely everyone laughs, so this character did a splendid task as he grew to become from a poor character right into a wealthy and beneficent one. All in all, Hassan thoughts me two lessons. First, if I became generous with humans and gave them help, god will give me greater and greater. Second, I have not to give up and attempt to discover paintings that is snug to my character. Hassan is a great character that deserves more. So, what do you think about him?
Who is Hassan 
Possible spelling mistake found.
Slayman
? Hassan 
Possible spelling mistake found.
Slayman
 is a comic gamer that stocks humorous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
videos
on YouTube.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Before
being a gamer Hassan was a poor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
that didn't continue his
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
education and
he didn't discover a manner to earn money better than being a gamer.

Hassan is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
that is
22 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
. His top is greater than 170 cm, and he weights 80 kg. He has black pores, skin and blonde hair with brown eyes that shine like sunrise. In addition,
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
he
typically
wears
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
  
black ti-blouse in his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
videos
due to the fact that black is his favorite color.
Moreover
, he commenced carrying glasses at 10
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of weak spot of view,
however
in recent times he’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
no longer carrying it anymore as he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thinks
he seems
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
without it.

In addition
, Hassan is a person that has robust personality, sharp intelligence, and excessive ability. He
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of an easy and exciting fashion that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the target followers
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
  
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
all his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
videos
until the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
. His fans wait
impatiently
for his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
videos
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he enters joy into their hearts.
Moreover
, he's a philanthropist and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
character
who made a platform for the charity, such as constructing a mosque, and he donated the majority of the development costs. As
properly
, he's sympathetic with poor humans as he builds a well for them to quench their thirst.

After a majority of these notable deeds, how I
Did you mean "can't" or "cannot"?
cant
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
  
be tormented
by someone like Hassan, in phrases of his generosity, or in phrases of his pranks and jokes that permit
absolutely
everyone laughs,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
character
did a splendid task as he grew to become from a poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
character
right into a wealthy and beneficent one.

All in all, Hassan thoughts me two lessons.
First
, if I became generous with humans and gave them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
, god will give me greater and greater. Second, I have not to give up and attempt to discover paintings
that is
snug to my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
character
. Hassan is a great
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
character
that deserves more.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, what do you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about him?
What do you think?
  • This is funny writingFunny
  • I love this writingLove
  • This writing has blown my mindWow
  • It made me angryAngry
  • It made me sadSad

IELTS essay Write a description essay about a famous person that you would like to meet

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
336 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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