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Write a comparison paragraph between members in your family

Write a comparison paragraph between members in your family kL9Gd
My mom and dad have been a couple for over thirty years, but they have many differences in character. My mom is supportive in anything that I select to do within my life. She is always the person that I can rely on to help me with my problem. She is gentle and easy-going, so I have no difficulty in saying (sharing) with her about my thoughts, emotions. My mother is often busy with preparing for meals and doing housework. Sometimes, she likes watching funny films. On the other hand, (On the other hand) my father is quite grumpy, so I rarely talk to him. Moreover, he is very serious when I make mistakes. The relationship of us is not close-knit, but I realize that he always keeps an eye on me. He works as a farmer with a view to supporting my family. When being free, he usually watches football programs or listens to music. Despite differences between them, my dad and my mom also have some points in common, they particularly worried about me and my siblings. They are both great parents.
My mom and dad have been a couple for over thirty years,
but
they have
many
differences in character. My mom is supportive in anything that I select to do within my life. She is always the person that I can rely on to
help
me with my problem. She is gentle and easy-going,
so
I have no difficulty in saying (sharing) with her about my thoughts, emotions. My mother is
often
busy with preparing for meals and doing housework.
Sometimes
, she likes watching
funny
films.
On the other hand
, (
On the other hand
) my father is quite grumpy,
so
I rarely talk to him.
Moreover
, he is
very
serious when I
make
mistakes. The relationship of us is not close-knit,
but
I realize that he always
keeps
an eye on me. He works as a farmer with a view to supporting my family. When being free, he
usually
watches
football programs or listens to music. Despite differences between them, my dad and my mom
also
have
some
points in common, they
particularly
worried about me and my siblings. They are both great parents.
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IELTS essay Write a comparison paragraph between members in your family

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
184 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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