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wqesdfgm qdijwefwkbmgf, wfe9gibtomgp, fwiongktmbrfh qfowgenm iqn ewfgrtn rkfjwgr krf e vre

wqesdfgm qdijwefwkbmgf, wfe9gibtomgp, fwiongktmbrfh qfowgenm iqn ewfgrtn rkfjwgr krf e vre wB38e
Due to the technological development, various games emerge and have been played by today's generation. They like to play these games in their leisure time and, there is a number of games are available which are dangerous but not banned at all. So why these two games only should banned. I totally disagree with the given statement and I emphasise my view in the upcoming paragraphs. To begin with, sky diving and skiing is an advanture activities not a dangerous at all, because these activities are done by people, who took a training of the it from professional trainers. they take all the safety precosions while performing these activities. In addition safety kits provided to performer by authority and performer's health check up and medical history also checked by doctors before performing these advanture activities. Furthermore, numerous people can earn big amount of money from this games such as owner who arrenge this types of game can earn huge amount, because these types of games are very popular among young stars and they have a dream to try the activity ones in their life. Some people also do this game because they like to try something new or want get refreshment from their daily routine. So these types of games gain popularity daybyday. Various people want to get out of their fear of heights such as fobia of heights, these games are really help them. So these are the benefit of sky diving and skiing. To conclude, advanture games and activities give us refreshment and we can get out from our stress and daily routine, so overall these activities are good for us and it should by not banned.
Due to the technological development, various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
emerge and have
been played
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's generation. They like to play these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
in their leisure time and, there is a number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are available which are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not banned at all.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
why these two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
should
The verb 'should' requires the base form of the verb: "ban"
banned
. I
totally
disagree with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
statement and I
Possible spelling mistake. 'emphasise' is British English.
emphasise
my view in the upcoming paragraphs.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
Did you mean "skydiving"?
sky diving
and skiing is an
Possible spelling mistake found.
advanture
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
not a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
at all,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
are done
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, who took a training of
Possible typo. Did you mean "the" or "it"?
the it
from professional trainers.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
they
take all the safety
Possible spelling mistake found.
precosions
while performing these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. In
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
addition
safety kits provided to performer by authority and performer's health
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
up and medical history
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
checked
by doctors
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
performing these
Possible spelling mistake found.
advanture
activities.

Furthermore
, numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can earn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
amount of money from
Did you mean "these"?
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
such as owner who
Possible spelling mistake found.
arrenge
this types of game can earn huge amount,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
these types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
popular among young
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
stars and
they have a dream to try the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
ones in their life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
also
do this game
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they like to try something new or want
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
refreshment from their daily routine.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
these types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
gain popularity
Possible spelling mistake found.
daybyday
. Various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
out of their fear of heights such as
Possible spelling mistake found.
fobia
of heights, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are
really
Consider using a past participle here: "helped".
help
them.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
these are the benefit of
Did you mean "skydiving"?
sky diving
and skiing.

To conclude
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
advanture
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
give us
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
refreshment and
we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
out from our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and daily routine,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
overall
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for us and it should
Did you maybe mean "buy" or "be"?
by
not banned.
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IELTS essay wqesdfgm qdijwefwkbmgf, wfe9gibtomgp, fwiongktmbrfh qfowgenm iqn ewfgrtn rkfjwgr krf e vre

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
279 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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