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Would you like to have a traditional wedding or an untraditional one?

Would you like to have a traditional wedding or an untraditional one? pXVGd
People are different form each other and they have different opinions about different things. Weddings are one of the biggest parts of our lives, in my opinion I would like to have a traditional wedding and I would like to further illustrate my reasons as follows: First of all, traditional weddings are very important for me, because it emphasizes our traditions and the most importantly our past, because all these things comes from past. Of course, it’s also necessary to change some things in your wedding ceremony but you shouldn’t break the ordinance. I think that past is very important to us, and it would be much better to have traditional wedding to follow your ancestors” traditions, which they were very proud of. Secondly, I think that traditional wedding is much more exciting than untraditional, because before traditional wedding you have tons of work to do and during these times you get pleasure from that and will always remember, these days will become unforgettable. I think that traditional wedding preparations needs a lot of work, because you want everything to be perfect and exact. In untraditional wedding you may have to decide to choose a very small ceremony, which will need a few days to prepare, and this may not be that exciting. Last but not least traditional ceremony is very important not only for couples also for family members so this means that you take a really big responsibility on yourself. You have to think about everyone, because this is traditional wedding so there will be a lot of people who will be watching, so when everything finishes you will have different kind of satisfaction that you dealt with it by yourself and everything was great and everyone was happy. Summarizing the said above, I want to admit that traditional wedding is very important for me and I would like to have a traditional wedding, because it is one of the most important traditions, it is our past and we should respect it. Secondly, it is way more exciting and memorable and lastly during traditional wedding you take one of the biggest responsibility on yourself which you should deal with.
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People
are
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different
form each
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other and
they have
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different
opinions about
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different
things.
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Weddings
are one of the biggest parts of our
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lives
, in my opinion I would like to have a
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traditional
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wedding
and I would like to
further
illustrate my reasons as follows:

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
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traditional
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weddings
are
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very
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important
for me,
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because
it emphasizes our traditions and the most
importantly
our
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past
,
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because
all these things
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
from
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past
.
Of course
, it’s
also
necessary to
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change
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some
things in your
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wedding
ceremony
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but
you shouldn’t break the ordinance. I
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think
that
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past
is
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very
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important
to us, and it would be much better to have
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traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wedding
to follow your ancestors” traditions, which they were
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very
proud of.

Secondly
, I
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think
that
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traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wedding
is much more exciting than
Possible spelling mistake found.
untraditional
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
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traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wedding
you have tons of work to do and during these times you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
pleasure from that and will always remember, these days will become unforgettable. I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
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wedding
preparations needs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
work,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
you want everything to be perfect and exact. In
Possible spelling mistake found.
untraditional
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wedding
you may
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have to
decide to choose a
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very
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small
ceremony, which will need a few days to prepare, and this may not be that exciting.

Last
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but
not
A determiner is probably missing here: "the least".
least
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traditional
ceremony is
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very
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important
not
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only
for couples
also
for family members
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so
this means that you take a
really
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
responsibility on yourself. You
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
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think
about everyone,
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because
this is
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traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wedding
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so
there will be
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a lot of
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people
who will be watching,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
when everything finishes you will have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
kind of satisfaction that you dealt with it by yourself and everything was great and everyone was happy.

Summarizing the said above, I want to admit that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wedding
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
for me and I would like to have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wedding
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is one of the most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
traditions, it is our
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
past and
we should respect it.
Secondly
, it is way more exciting and memorable and
lastly
during
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wedding
you take one of the biggest responsibility on yourself which you should deal with.
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IELTS essay Would you like to have a traditional wedding or an untraditional one?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
361 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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