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Would you like to be famous

Would you like to be famous B76Ow
Thousands, or perhaps millions, of people around the world would love to become Johnny Depp, Brad Pitt, or even Angelina Jolie. Like those people, I love fame, not because of the wealth that comes from it, but because of the fun and the hidden purpose. One of my dreams is to be a successful and famous singer. Of course, my goal of this dream is related to another part along with the fame that is gained, in addition to the fame I gain, I can help people in need with a part of my income and create a chain of help, or I can participate in world meetings and help alleviate global problems. Justin Bieber: People Kick You When You're Down Johnny Depp: All of Your Moves Have to Be Carefully Planned Fame is dangerous and when you enter its world, you should be careful not to drown yourself in negative thoughts and you should not pay attention to people who constantly want your bad. In fact, you should be careful when a person became famous she or he should know as everything in society fame has some ups and downs. When you are at the top, you are a happy person, but the day you come down, you will gradually be forgotten and it covers your sadness and depression.
Thousands, or perhaps millions, of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
around the world would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to become Johnny Depp, Brad Pitt, or even Angelina Jolie. Like those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fame
, not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the wealth that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
from it,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the fun and the hidden purpose. One of my dreams is to be a successful and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
singer.
Of course
, my goal of this dream
is related
to another part along with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fame
that
is gained
,
in addition
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fame
I gain, I can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in need with a part of my income and create a chain of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
, or I can participate in world meetings and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
alleviate global problems.

Justin Bieber:
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
Kick You When You're Down

Johnny Depp: All of Your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Moves
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Have to
Be
Carefully
Planned

Fame is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
and when you enter its world, you should be careful not to drown yourself in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
thoughts and you should not pay attention to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
constantly
want your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
. In fact, you should be
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
careful


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
when
a person became
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
she or he should know as everything in society
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fame
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
ups and downs. When you are at the top, you are a happy person,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the day you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
down, you will
gradually
be forgotten
and it covers your sadness and depression.
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IELTS essay Would you like to be famous

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
220 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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