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Young people should be encouraged to visit different countries. Do you agree or disagree ?

Young people should be encouraged to visit different countries. 5BJXN
The era of globalisation has united many nations to participate in various youth exchange programs. I am strongly inclined to believe that visiting different nations will bring about several benefits to the young generation. To embark on, going abroad will enlighten them with various historical monuments and heritages of that country. This will certainly elevate their learning about history and social sciences. The different traditions, cultures will undoubtedly intrigue them and leave indelible impression on their ingenious minds. Another pertinent point is, setting off to overseas will inculcate them with languages as well as with the lifestyle of the natives. Although traveling alone could be challenging and develop home-sickness but it would definitely strengthen and boost one's confidence to adapt to the whole new environment. One is entitled to meet numerous people and make new friends. Sharing ideas and garnering educational information will instill young minds towards new innovations. Additionally, visiting different countries open up ample opportunities to explore traditions, cultures and get a taste of delicious cuisine. To recapitulate there are countless for an individual to experience and learn while backpacking to several countries and young people should be motivated to pick up good vibes with this.
The era of
Possible spelling mistake. 'globalisation' is British English.
globalisation
has united
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
nations to participate in various youth exchange programs. I am
strongly
inclined to believe that visiting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
nations will bring about several benefits to the young generation.

To embark on, going abroad will enlighten them with various historical monuments and heritages of that country. This will
certainly
elevate their learning about history and social sciences. The
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
traditions, cultures will
undoubtedly
intrigue them and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
indelible impression on their ingenious minds.

Another pertinent point is, setting off to overseas will inculcate them with languages
as well
as with the lifestyle of the natives.

Although traveling alone could be challenging and develop home-sickness
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it would definitely strengthen and boost one's confidence to adapt to the whole new environment. One
is entitled
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
numerous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
new friends. Sharing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
and garnering educational information will instill young minds towards new innovations.

Additionally
, visiting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
countries open up ample opportunities to explore traditions, cultures and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a taste of delicious cuisine.

To recapitulate there are countless for an individual to experience and learn while backpacking to several countries and young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should
be motivated
to pick up
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
vibes with this.
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IELTS essay Young people should be encouraged to visit different countries.

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
198 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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