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World history suggests that violence and conflict were more evident under male leadership than under female leadership. So, for peace to prevail, female leadership can be considered as a better option than male leadership. v.5

World history suggests that violence and conflict were more evident under male leadership than under female leadership. So, for peace to prevail, female leadership can be considered as a better option than male leadership. v. 5
Peace and prosperity are not bound to gender and in fact, they are connected to the qualities that leaders possess. Therefore, I contradict with the given idea that females are better to lead the world than males. History tells us that males have been better leaders in term of their ruling style and devotion. To judge the state of peace, discrimination between genders is unjust as world’s history is flooded with examples where men leadership lessened chaos around the globe for example in the time of empire system. The given opinion totally has a conflict to what we have today. Countries with least rate of brutality, cruelty and violence such as Sweden and Switzerland are ruled by male governors. The United Kingdom is run by Queen which also has maintained a good prosperity within the state. Again, we have noticed considerable violence and corruptions under the female government in India, Pakistan and Bangladesh! World’s peace is most injured by the negative use of nuclear technology, differences in religion, poverty and crime rates etc. If a leader gets good control of such conflicting issues, then regardless of gender, peace would prevail worldwide. Maintenance of peace is influenced by making effective foreign relation policies, eliminating poverty, strengthening funding for needy nations and avoiding war. These are real duties of a leader which men women both can do. Hence, I totally disagree with the idea of relating peace to the gender of a leader. Both men and women should be given equal chances to lead the world. It is just a general rule to be followed that those who desire peace, deserve to be seated in authoritative positions.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Peace
and prosperity are not bound to gender and in fact, they
are connected
to the qualities that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leaders
possess.
Therefore
, I contradict with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that females are better to lead the world than males.

History
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tells
us that males have been better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leaders
in term of their ruling style and devotion. To judge the state of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peace
, discrimination between genders is unjust as world’s history
is flooded
with examples where
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
leadership lessened chaos around the globe
for example
in the time of empire system. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
opinion
totally
has a conflict to what we have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
. Countries with
A determiner is probably missing here: "the least".
least
rate of brutality, cruelty and violence such as Sweden and Switzerland
are ruled
by male governors. The United Kingdom
is run
by Queen which
also
has maintained a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
prosperity within the state. Again, we have noticed considerable violence and corruptions under the female
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
in India, Pakistan and Bangladesh!

World’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peace
is most injured by the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of nuclear technology, differences in religion, poverty and crime rates etc. If a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leader
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
control of such conflicting issues, then regardless of gender,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peace
would prevail worldwide. Maintenance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peace
is influenced
by making effective foreign relation policies, eliminating poverty, strengthening funding for needy nations and avoiding war. These are real duties of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leader
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
women both can do.

Hence
, I
totally
disagree with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of relating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peace
to the gender of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leader
. Both
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
equal chances to lead the world. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a general
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
to
be followed
that those who desire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peace
, deserve to
be seated
in authoritative positions.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay World history suggests that violence and conflict were more evident under male leadership than under female leadership. So, for peace to prevail, female leadership can be considered as a better option than male leadership. v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
275 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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