Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Some people think that spending a lot on holding wedding parties, birthday parties and other celebrations is just a waste of money. Others, however, think that these are necessary for individuals and the society. v.12

Some people think that spending a lot on holding wedding parties, birthday parties and other celebrations is just a waste of money. Others, however, think that these are necessary for individuals and the society. v. 12
In the current world, most of the people like to celebrate any special occasion by inviting a lot of people. The discussion that throwing too much money to hold parties like birthday, marriage or any other special event is a debatable one, with strong logics provided by the supporters of both the views. A few argue that the special events need to be celebrated grandly, as it happens only a few times in a lifetime. For instance, marriage is considered to occur once in a lifetime and the people want to have the memory of that event until their last breath. This is possible only when the location is well decorated and all of the friends and the neighbours are invited. By spending limited money, it is almost impossible to achieve something special which will be remembered forever. Thus it is obvious, why some people incline towards this point of view. On the other hand, some people believe that it is not right to spend a huge amount money on personal celebrations as there are a lot of people across the globe under starvation. For example, in most of the African countries, many people do not even have food to eat for a single meal a day. In case, the money spent on celebration can be sent to the people who are really in need, definitely, a lot of life can be saved. Hence, it is clear why a few individuals refute with high spending parties. Considering the memories of special occasions as well as starvation, spending much money for parties has been supported and refuted by many. Even though memories of some special events are important, saving human life from starvation is more important. Hence, in my opinion, it is necessary to cut down the spending on parties and spend that money for the poor people’s food.
In the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
world, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like to celebrate any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
special
occasion by inviting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. The discussion that throwing too much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to hold parties like birthday, marriage or any other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
special
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
is a debatable one, with strong logics provided by the supporters of both the views.

A few argue that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
special
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
need to
be celebrated
grandly
, as it happens
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a few times in a lifetime.
For instance
, marriage
is considered
to occur once in a lifetime and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
want to have the memory of that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
until their last breath. This is possible
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
when the location is well decorated and
Consider using "all the".
all of the
friends and the
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbours' is British English.
neighbours
are invited
. By
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
limited
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, it is almost impossible to achieve something
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
special
which will
be remembered
forever.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
it is obvious, why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
incline towards this point of view.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that it is not right to spend a huge amount
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on personal celebrations as there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
across the globe under starvation.
For example
, in most of the African countries,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not even have food to eat for a single meal a day. In case, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
spent on celebration can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are
really
in need, definitely,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
life can
be saved
.
Hence
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
why a few individuals refute with high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
parties.

Considering the memories of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
special
occasions
as well
as starvation,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for parties has
been supported
and refuted by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
.
Even though
memories of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
special
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
, saving human life from starvation is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.
Hence
, in my opinion, it is necessary to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
down the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
on parties and spend that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for the poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
food.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
29Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that spending a lot on holding wedding parties, birthday parties and other celebrations is just a waste of money. Others, however, think that these are necessary for individuals and the society. v. 12

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
308 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts