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WORKING PART-TIME WHILE STUDYING OR NOT?

WORKING PART-TIME WHILE STUDYING OR NOT? 0aA8G
While the economic and social life are devoloping, students now tend to find and work a part-time job. So it has become one of the most controversal issues. Some hold the opinion that students should work a part-time job to learn life skills and how to live independent. Meanwhile, others have a view that part-time is not essential that students do not need to do it. Students can have much more time to learn and perform well in their study. I refer that students do not have to do work and study simultanously because of two reasons below. First of all, the main reason is that part-time job would take us a lot of time to do; yet students should spend almost time for university course. Due to the fact that they use several time to study at school and study profoundly their lessons at home, so that they can get the better result. On the contrary, if they do part-time jobs, they can not focus on their studies. Taking my classmate some an example, last semester he had done part-time job for eight hours per day, so he could not catch up lessons in class because he had not have enough time for studying at home. Therefore, he was unfortunately failed at the exam. Next, the wage of part-time jobs is very low and it is not enough for students in many aspect. Therefore, they still depend on their parents in some fee such as fuel, school fee, and meal. In addition, their jobs is not usually related to their field of study. As far as I see, I think it is not necessary to alot their time to work like that. On the other side, many parents think that their children can learn some basic skills while working such things as confidence and independence. In fact, that thing is not truth, students just learn the skill about that job without any soft skill. Moreover, part-time work could make student feel tired and stress. Consequently, that thing can be a hindrance to studies and students would decline their effectiveness in studies. So, they should stay at home to spend their time to study much more because their parents still can provide them money for any basic aspects in life. In sum, students do not have to go to work early because part-time job is not necessary in many aspect and they also give students a lot of bad effects. Therefore, their resposibility is to focus on their study to have a good result and get a better job after graduating.
While the economic and social life are
Possible spelling mistake found.
devoloping
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
tend to find and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
a part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
it has become one of the most
Possible spelling mistake found.
controversal
issues.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
hold the opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
a part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
and how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
independent. Meanwhile, others have a view that part-time is not essential that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
do not need to do it.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
can have much more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
and perform well in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
. I refer that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
Possible spelling mistake found.
simultanously
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of two reasons below.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the main reason is that part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
would take us
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to do;
yet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should spend almost
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for university course. Due to the fact that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
at school and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
profoundly
their lessons at home,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the better result.
On the contrary
, if they do part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
, they can not focus on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
. Taking my classmate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
an example, last semester he had done part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
for eight hours per day,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
he could not catch up lessons in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he had not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for studying at home.
Therefore
, he was unfortunately failed at the exam.

Next
, the wage of part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
low and it is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in
Possible agreement error. The noun aspect seems to be countable; consider using: "many aspects".
many aspect
.
Therefore
, they
still
depend on their parents in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
fee such as fuel, school fee, and meal.
In addition
, their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
is not
usually
related to their field of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
. As far as I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is not necessary to
Possible spelling mistake found.
alot
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
like that.

On the other side,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that their children can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
basic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
while working such things as confidence and independence. In fact, that thing is not truth,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
about that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
without any soft
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
.
Moreover
, part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
feel tired and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.
Consequently
, that thing can be a hindrance to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
would decline their effectiveness in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, they should stay at home to spend their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
much more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
their parents
still
can provide them money for any basic aspects in life.

In sum,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
early
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
is not necessary in
Possible agreement error. The noun aspect seems to be countable; consider using: "many aspects".
many aspect
and they
also
give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
effects.
Therefore
, their
Possible spelling mistake found.
resposibility
is to focus on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
to have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
result and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
after graduating.
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IELTS essay WORKING PART-TIME WHILE STUDYING OR NOT?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
431 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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