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Go Working while studying or not

Go Working while studying or not R0NGV
While the economic and social life are developing, graduate now tend to find and trial a part-time business. So it has become one of the most controversial issues. a number of hold the opinion that undergraduate should task a part-time career to pick up life dexterity and how to live independent. Meanwhile, others have a view that part-time is not essential that pupil do not need to do it. scholar can have much more point to enroll and perform well in their research. I refer that undergraduate do not ought to do task and research simultaneously due to the fact of two reasons below. First, the main reason is that part-time job would take us numerous turn to do; yet scholar should spend almost point for university course. Due to the fact that they use several past to review at school and research profoundly their lessons at home, consequently that they can get the better result. On the contrary, if they do part-time career, they can not focus on their review. Taking my classmate a number of an example, last semester he had done part-time career for eight hours per day, consequently he could not catch up lessons in class owing to the fact that he had not have abundance second for studying at home. Therefore, he was unfortunately failed at the exam. Next, the wage of part-time office is extremely low and it is not abundance for undergraduate in many aspects. Therefore, they still depend on their parents in some fee such as fuel, school fee, and meal. In addition, their appointment is not usually related to their field of inquiry. As far as I see, I think it is not necessary to a lot their second to production like that. On the other side, a plethora of parents think that their children can get a number of basic ingenuity while working such things as confidence and independence. In fact, that thing is not truth, scholar merely pick up the artistry about that business without any soft ingenuity. Moreover, part-time trial could make junior feel tired and stress. Consequently, that thing can be a hindrance to debate and undergraduate would decline their effectiveness in research. consequently, they should stay at home to spend their point to review much more in light of the fact that their parents still can provide them money for any basic aspects in life. In sum, junior do not ought to go to work early owing to the fact that part-time career is not necessary in many aspects and they also give scholar a number of bad effects. Therefore, their responsibility is to focus on their application to have a good result and get a better appointment after graduating.
While the economic and social life are developing, graduate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
tend to find and trial a part-time business.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
it has become one of the most controversial issues.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of hold the opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
undergraduate
should task a part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
to pick up life dexterity and how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
independent. Meanwhile, others have a view that part-time is not essential
The verb 'do' is plural. Did you mean: "that pupil does"? Did you use a verb instead of a noun?
that pupil do
not need to do it.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scholar
can have much more point to enroll and perform well in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
. I refer that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
undergraduate
do not ought
It appears that a hyphen is missing.
to do
task and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
simultaneously
due to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fact
of two reasons below.

First
, the main reason is that part-time job would take us numerous turn to do;
yet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scholar
should spend almost point for university course. Due to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fact
that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
several past to review at school and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
profoundly
their lessons at home,
consequently
that they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the better result.
On the contrary
, if they do part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
, they can not focus on their review. Taking my classmate a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of an example, last semester he had done part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
for eight hours per day,
consequently
he could not catch up lessons in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
owing to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fact
that he had not
Possible agreement error -- use past participle here: "had".
have
abundance second for studying at home.
Therefore
, he was unfortunately failed at the exam.

Next
, the wage of part-time office is
extremely
low and it is not abundance for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
undergraduate
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
aspects.
Therefore
, they
still
depend on their parents in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
fee such as fuel, school fee, and meal.
In addition
, their appointment is not
usually
related to their field of inquiry. As far as I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is not necessary to a lot their second to production like that.

On the other side, a plethora of parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that their children can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of basic ingenuity while working such things as confidence and independence. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fact
, that thing is not truth,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scholar
merely
pick up the artistry about that business without any soft ingenuity.
Moreover
, part-time trial could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
junior feel tired and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.
Consequently
, that thing can be a hindrance to debate and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
undergraduate
would decline their effectiveness in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
consequently
, they should stay at home to spend their point to review much more in light of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fact
that their parents
still
can provide them money for any basic aspects in life.

In sum, junior do not ought to go to work early owing to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fact
that part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
is not necessary in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
aspects and
they
also
give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scholar
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
effects.
Therefore
, their responsibility is to focus on their application to have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
result and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a better appointment after graduating.
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IELTS essay Go Working while studying or not

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
454 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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