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Working in state companies is really advantageous.

Working in state companies is really advantageous. xaWWg
Nowadays, life more modern with many companies developing in the country. So working in state companies is really advantageous. To began with, working in state companies will have stable job. You will mustn’t wory about money because every month the companies will pay money for you. The company has a stable working time, you don't need to worry about having to work overtime. For example, if you works for companies, you work in the company now will have regular hours so you can easily do the things you like after hours or can take care of your children if you have children. Secondly, working in state companies will have the social welfare. When you work in the company, you will receive social benefits such as: social health insurance, body insurance, unemployment social insurance, . . . . For example, if you are sick, you will still receive money from social insurance or if your child is under 6 years old, the company will give you about 200, 000 VND per month, or if you are unemployed, you will still receive a salary, … To sum up, working in state companies have many advantageous as will have a stable job every month and have many the social welfare.
Nowadays, life more modern with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
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companies
developing in the country.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
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working
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
state
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
is
really
advantageous. To began with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
state
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
will have stable job. You will mustn’t
Possible spelling mistake found.
wory
about money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
every month the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
will pay money for you. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
has a stable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
time, you don't need to worry about having to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
overtime.
For example
, if you
The pronoun 'you' must be used with a non-third-person form of a verb: "work"
works
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
, you
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
will have regular hours
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
you can
easily
do the things you like after hours or can take care of your children if you have children.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
state
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
will have the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
welfare. When you
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
, you will receive
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social
benefits such as:
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social
health
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insurance
, body
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insurance
, unemployment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
insurance
Did you just mean "," or "."?
, .
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
For example
, if you are sick, you will
still
receive money from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
insurance
or if your child is under 6 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
will give you about 200, 000 VND per month, or if you
are unemployed
, you will
still
receive a salary, … To sum up,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
state
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantageous as will have a stable job every month and have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
welfare.
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IELTS essay Working in state companies is really advantageous.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
207 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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