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Working at any place essential for everyone. So, some people believe that it is an important for offspring. Whereas, handful individuals think that salivary work not good for juniors. I will discuss both points in the upcoming paragraphs along with my point of view.

Working at any place essential for everyone. So, some people believe that it is an important for offspring. Whereas, handful individuals think that salivary work not good for juniors. I will NyLKm
To embark with, there are ample of logics why little one's should not work at workplaces. But, the prominent are depression and money minded. firstly, if young ones do work then, they live in stressful environment. Because, they have depression of their study also children think regarding to fulfill their requirements. Hence, youngster do not share their problems with their parents. So that is why they are not only depressed but also, face difficulty in their work or academic field. Furthermore, to work burnt mid night oil this make to minor materialistic whereas other children enjoy with their family members. But who children do not work they always think regarding money these thinks make to inhuman. As a result, springs give preference to money rather than their family; kith and kines. Despite of these arguments, if children work at wage employment then, they know about value of money. Moreover, who children do salary activities they can't waste money as compared to other ones that children believe to save money. Thus, when kids do employment. They become creative; they can make bright future also children can give financial help to their family members and fulfill their needs. Therefore, children become successful. To conclude, although the both points are right but, children should do work.
To embark with, there are ample of logics why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
one's should not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
at workplaces.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, the prominent are depression and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
minded.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
firstly
, if young ones do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
then, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in stressful environment.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
, they have depression of their study
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
The phrase 'regarding to' is not correct. Use "regarding" or "regard to".
regarding to
fulfill their requirements.
Hence
, youngster do not share their problems with their parents.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
that is
why they are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
depressed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
, face difficulty in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
or academic field.
Furthermore
, to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
burnt mid night oil this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
to minor materialistic whereas other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
enjoy with their family members.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
they always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
regarding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thinks
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
to inhuman.
As a result
, springs give preference to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
rather
than their family; kith and kines.
Did you mean "Despite" (or, alternatively, 'in spite of')?
Despite of
these arguments, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
at wage employment then, they know about value of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
Moreover
, who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
do salary activities they can't waste
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
as compared to other ones that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
believe to save
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
Thus
, when kids do employment. They become creative; they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
bright future
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can give financial
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to their family members and fulfill their needs.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
become successful.
To conclude
, although the both points are right
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
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IELTS essay Working at any place essential for everyone. So, some people believe that it is an important for offspring. Whereas, handful individuals think that salivary work not good for juniors. I will

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
213 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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